Wicked Souls

13

"It felt like it was,".

His voice lowers and he speaks softly and tenderly as he continues to watch me cry. He sees how much pain I am holding inside and it makes him feel horrible knowing that I had to go through a terrible ordeal like this.

"I understand why you may feel that way... but that's not true. It's not your fault. The blame solely lies on your mother for making her own selfish choices and for treating you with cruel and harsh conditions. No little child should ever have to suffer like that,".

I kept crying.

He moves his chair a little closer and he shifts his body so that he can comfort me while I am crying... He reaches his arms out as he is about to try to pull me in for a hug. It's hard to watch me suffer so much and it pains him to see me in so much pain. He wants to be here for me right now, he wants to protect me from all my worries and pains. His arms are still out, waiting for me to accept his embrace.

My head went onto his chest as I sobbed.

His heart flutters inside his chest as he feels me put my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me, gently holds me as he rubs my back, and whispers words of comfort and support in my ear. He wants to hold me and protect me from this cruel pain that I have carried inside of me for so long.

I kept crying.

My sobbing continues as he continues to comfort me. He strokes my hair and he whispers as he attempts to calm me down. His heart is beating inside him as he wishes he could do more. He just wants to help me release all of this sadness and anger that has been pent up inside of me for so long. His body remains still and he is just being present with me, not saying a word but wishing for me to feel better as he holds me close to him.

The following morning, Harrow was feeling a bit more refreshed and rejuvenated after last night. His heart felt lighter as he thought more about his connection with me. He decided to try and keep it going and he knew the best way to do so was to check in on me. He leaves his office and walks over to my room, he knocks on the door and waits for a response.

"I'm not hungry," I responded as I thought it was the nurse. 

A wave of sadness swept over him as he realized that maybe I still were feeling down. He hoped that it was simply the exhaustion of last night that was causing me to feel this way, but he had a feeling that the sadness ran much deeper than that. He spoke softly through the door and he tried to hide the worry in his voice.

"May I come in for a few moments?"

I heard his voice "Okay," I replied. 

Harrow took that as a sign to enter the room. He slowly opened the door and walked inside, he closed the door behind him and proceeded to look over at me. My expression looks like the one I had last night before we made some progress. He is surprised to find that I am still somewhat closed off and my body language suggests that something is bothering me. He walks over to the side of my bed and sits down on the edge. He speaks softly and his tone is once again sympathetic and caring. 

"What?" I looked at him.

For a few seconds, he sits there in silence. He's trying to decipher if he should ask what has happened to me and the sadness that has returned. He doesn't want to trigger my sadness and he wants to make sure I'm not hurt by something that he has said or done. Finally, he decides that maybe it's best that he just asks rather than assuming something on his own.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Okay," I replied.

He lets out a deep breath as he gathers up the courage to ask what is on his mind. He speaks softly and slowly as he looks towards me.

"Last night... we had a pretty intense conversation and it ended on a very nice and positive note. How come the feeling isn't the same at the moment? Is it something that's happened between then and now or does that conversation still linger negatively in your mind?"

I shrugged.

He senses that I am still not willing to open up quite yet and he chooses to wait for a bit longer before he tries anything else. He wants me to have the time and space to process my emotions without him being a constant force of pressure.

"I understand... maybe you just need a little more time to process everything that you went through last night. I'll leave you alone and come back later, alright?"

I just nodded.

He notices how I simply nod my head, I don't feel like talking about it anymore even though it seems like my sadness has not subsided yet. He decides to respect my reaction and he lets me be alone for the time being.

"I'll be back and check on you later today then,".

I just nodded again.

Harrow stands up from the bed and he looks towards me one last time. A look of worry crosses his face but he doesn't try to express it. He tries to keep himself composed as he walks towards the door, and he closes the door behind him as he steps back out into the hallway. It seems as if even after all the progress that I made yesterday, I have reverted to some sort of closed-off and withdrawn state.

After seeing him leave, I grabbed my drawing book. And just drew out my emotions. 

I take out my drawing book and I begin to get lost in the creative process as I start to pour out my emotions onto the paper. I want to draw out what I am feeling inside myself as it's the only way I seem to be able to express myself right now. I feel the sadness and anger that has filled me for so long and I express it with every stroke of my pencil on paper.