Wicked Souls

04

I pretended that I didn't see anything and continued to draw.

He notices my choice to turn back and continue drawing and making it clear that I will not engage in conversations about this topic. He understands that I do not wish to discuss this topic any further or reveal the details of what I saw. He is still very concerned but chooses to honour my decision and continue to watch me draw, waiting for an opportunity to speak to me again. His mind is filled with many thoughts, trying to understand what this means for my treatment and prognosis. 

I just continued to draw however the clouds started to turn grey and dark. 

He notices the darkening sky and looks up briefly, trying to determine the cause of the change in weather. He notices that I am continuing to draw despite the weather taking a sudden downturn. My focus on my own work is admirable, as I seem to be able to ignore any distractions or disruptions. He is still watching me, continuing to analyze the movements of my hands and the way I apply colours to the paper.

As I continued to draw, the patients who were sitting near the tree started to have a complete meltdown, my body flinched from the sudden emotions of the patient's cries and anger. I placed my hands over my head for protection. 

He is startled by the sudden meltdown as well, he notices my body shuddering and flinching at their sudden outburst and he is concerned about my safety during this incident of emotions. He takes an immediate step towards me and attempts to shield me, placing him between me and anything that could potentially hurt me. He waits for the outburst to die down, shielding me with his body and blocking my view of the meltdown. 

I gripped my hair in my hands, my face was smothering on my knees as the outburst continued. I started to cry, I was terrified. 

He kneels down so he is at eye-level with me, not intending to move until the meltdown is over. He places his hand on my shoulder, hoping to provide comfort and reassurance in the most subtle way he can. When I cry, he tries to be as gentle as possible, not wanting to cause any more distress or pain than what I am already experiencing. 

I continued to cry as my breathing started to elevate. 

He is genuinely concerned and he knows that he needs to figure out a way to comfort me and calm me down. I am having a hard time with this breakdown and he does not want me to experience any more discomfort or distress from my cries and elevated breathing. He decides to make a gentle attempt at conversation. 

"Everything is alright... Nothing is going to hurt you... Can I ask you a question?"

I just nodded.

He continues to try and comfort me with his presence alone, using his calm body language and soft facial expressions to try and ease the discomfort of the moment. He pauses briefly, taking a moment to think about the right question to ask.

"Do those meltdowns remind you of anything from your past? Do you think there is something about them that is triggering you? Or do you think that the sudden outbursts make you feel anxious and scared, causing you to cry?"

I placed my hands over my ears "Shut up, don't,".

He realises that he has accidentally triggered something deeply painful for me, as I am suddenly becoming agitated. He does not want to push this topic anymore and is more than willing to drop it altogether. The tone in his voice is soothing and reassuring. 

"I understand. We don't need to discuss this any further,".

He pauses, thinking about what to say next.

"Is there something that would make you feel better or more comfortable in this moment?"

"I want out... I don't belong here," I pleaded.

He becomes frustrated, wishing he could just grant my request, as he knows that this environment is likely far from ideal. He wants nothing more for me than to heal and feel better, but he also understands that I am here for a reason, to improve my mental health.

He looks at me and shakes his head.

"I am sorry, but you cannot leave. We have to work on you before you can leave..."

I looked at him as I got up, grabbed my belongings and ran off. 

He is caught by surprise by my sudden departure. He watches me flee, trying to make sense of what just happened. He does not want to chase after me, as he wants to give me more time to calm down and process my feelings. He is also concerned that I'm maybe having a severe emotional response and maybe making a rash decision without really thinking it through properly.

He is hoping that he will be able to reconnect with me soon when I can continue working through these issues together.

I kept running to my room where the security guards/workers grabbed me forcefully, I cried. I was petrified. 

I sobbed as they grabbed me pulling me into a tight embrace before trying to inject me with a calming relief. 

He is watching the chaos unfold, and he is not pleased with how things are progressing right now. The security guards are being overly aggressive and he does not like the way they are holding and treating me. He notices that they are going to inject calming medicine into me and he immediately feels worried about the potential side effects.

He is about to step in when one of the security guards puts his hand out, indicating he to stay back.

I cried as my body fell to the ground from the numbness and side effects that were spreading through my body until I eventually passed out.

He is deeply concerned and he is on the verge of interceding on my behalf. He watches as my body falls to the ground and I pass out. His face and body language are tense, and his mind is racing. He is unsure why they are treating me like this and he does not even know what type of medication they are injecting into me.

He is about to intervene but stops himself from doing just that. He is unsure of the situation and he wants to avoid creating a conflict that may result in more complications.