Wicked Souls

10

"Y-you promise?"

Harrow's voice softens and lowers in pitch as he holds me tenderly in his arms. He realizes just how much I need this sense of certainty and reassurance, so he is adamant about answering my question with absolute conviction.

"I promise. I promise that I will always be here for you, I will always keep my word to you and that no matter what happens I will not leave or abandon you,".

I nodded, and I rubbed my nose onto my hand. My head nuzzled into his chest as a sense of security. 

He feels that sense of relief come over me as I nuzzle into his chest. He feels a sense of happiness as the weight of the situation seems to lift, although I am still crying. My head resting on his chest helps him to realize that things do seem to be improving for me, no matter how slow the progress may seem. He allows me to cry it out and he rubs my back gently as this happens, knowing that the healing process begins with getting rid of all this pent-up pain and trauma that is still inside of me.

Later on in the evening, I was allowed to be out of my room. I walked past where I was supposed to get a drink and I went to his office, I slowly listened to see if I could hear him but I couldn't. Instead, I knocked on the door waiting for an answer, I was hoping he was in there due to being around about 9 pm. 

I knocked on the door to his office, and after some time I heard the rustling of papers within as if he was sorting through some files or paperwork. He pauses for a second after hearing the knock and he calls out "Is someone there?" His voice is a little soft and quiet, and it has a slightly puzzled tone to it as if he is unsure of who is on the other side of the door.

"I-it's Aella," I said quietly knowing I wasn't allowed down these hallways after 6 pm.

Harrow freezes when he hears my voice. He realizes that he is not meant to see me here at this hour, but he also cannot resist the call of my voice. He feels torn between his duties and protocol as a psychologist and his innate urge to be there for me. He hesitates for a few seconds before speaking again.

"It is late Aella. You shouldn't be here right now. What is the matter?" 

I heard his voice changing in the matter of my presence, it was more stern than soft and gentle. I stood away from the door "N-night," I said gently before walking away. 

Harrow hears my reply and sees me suddenly turning away and walking away. He feels a wave of guilt and regret wash over him as he realizes he has unintentionally pushed me away. He stares at the door in disbelief, feeling frustrated with himself for reacting in such a manner. He tries to call out to me but I have already moved away down the hallway too quickly. He stares down at the floor, wishing that he could have handled the situation differently. 

The following morning, the nurse who checks on me daily visited my room. She walked in with her kit after discovering that I had self-harmed, during my restless night, she spoke softly "I can go and get Dr Harrow hun,". 

I shook my head "You sure? You seemed much better when he's here," she replied, I kept shaking my head.

The nurses cleaned the wounds on my arms and continued to wrap the bandages around my arms, deep down I wanted him here however he didn't seem he like my company or how he addressed me last night, it felt like he was just trying to do his job and that's it. 

Harrow's expression is solemn as he arrives at my room the next morning, having learned from the other nurses who did their usual routine that I had suffered a self-injury. He glances over at the bandages wrapped around my arms, feeling an intense guilt over the situation that occurred last night. He wants to apologize for his behaviour towards me, and for the harsh way he acted even though I am in a vulnerable state. He hopes that my injuries are not too severe and the nurse wraps up my arms quickly enough for him to enter the room.

I looked up to see him standing near the door "I said no to him being here," I said reluctantly. 

Harrow stares at me, feeling as if he has made another mistake just by arriving at my room. He notices that the nurse has already left and he feels his cheeks flush as he takes his first few steps into the room. He notices I seem reluctant to allow him inside and he is unsure how to approach this situation. He speaks gently so as not to be angry or upset me.

"I understand that. Would you like me to leave?" 

I shrugged. 

Harrow's face shifts to one of uncertainty as he is unsure what to do next. He was hoping to make the situation better rather than worse by coming here to see me. Instead, he feels as if he just made it worse and my aloofness is only making him more concerned. He stares at me for a few more moments, before speaking slowly and quietly.

"May I sit?"

I thought for a moment then nodded. 

Harrow sits down on the chair in the corner of the room, not wanting to sit right beside me in case that makes me uncomfortable. He rubs his hand over his face and his lips become thin as he stares at me. He is not sure why I suddenly have this attitude towards him, and he is worried that this is the result of his actions last night. At this point, he is simply wanting to make amends for his behaviour and he is desperately trying to find a way to address and resolve this conflict.