Say You Hate Me

i need you

I felt so free.

There was something so calming about jumping off a cliff.

It wasn't exactly a sudden tranquility - it was more like everything gradually seemed to happen in slow motion. The feeling crept up on you until you finally realised at the last second. It was like time just stopped for the moment and now you had boundless minutes to appreciate the little things. To appreciate the sun on your skin, the fresh salty air, the friends that surround you.

It wasn't the type of freedom you felt when you were 7 and your parents let you stay up past your bedtime to finish the film you were watching. It wasn't the type of freedom you feel when you have your first drink of alcohol.

It was the type of freedom where all the worries and fears that weigh down your shoulders evaporate. They vanish without a trace and all you can think about is the wind whipping in your hair and the impending watery depths below.

My limbs flew in every direction and a shriek escaped my lips but inside I felt completely and utterly at peace.

I considered everything that had happened in the last 48 hours now.

I knew I could never truly hate my father because a part of me would always pity him. A part of me would always remember the time I looked up to him as my hero.

I also knew I could never hate Grayson again. Actually, I realised this on the plane when I was resting my head on his shoulder and we were watching ratatouille together. I realised this when I saw him trying to hide the fact he enjoyed the film or when he repeatedly checked up on me.

Grayson made me feel calm too. It was different to how I felt whilst I was falling. It was almost that I felt safe with him.

The home i grew up in was crumbling beneath my feet. My youngest memories were those of walking over eggshells.

But when I saw Grayson beating the faceless man who was supposedly my father, i realised home was not a house. It was not family either. It was a person.

A person who made me feel free and safe and additionally made me feel a tornado of other emotions.

Grayson felt like home.

And that fact scared me more than anything.

The splash of landing mingled with the stinging sensation that overcame my body from the collision only added to the exhilaration. The adrenaline rush of falling had hit me like a freight train.

"That was fucking amazing," Lucas breathes, treading water beside me.

I nod rapidly, my lips stretched into a wide smile. Looking up, I can see Val and Aaron are next. They stand beside each other with bent knees, prepared to propel themselves into the water.

Val lands belly first. I wince at the sight.

That must've hurt.

Aaron lands seconds later with a huge splash. The waves that follow carry my body further away.

Val eventually emerges from the water; her face flushed from pain. I can't help the cackle that explodes from my throat.

"Don't you dare laugh at me!" She yowls, trying to suppress a smile.

"I - I can't!" I choke out through laughs, barely able to stay afloat with the way my body was quivering from laughter.

"Shut it!" She scowls, shoving a tsunami of water into my face.

I only laugh harder at her splash attempts and begin a miniature splash war. Aaron and Lucas join in in until everyone is soaked and our eyes are blurry from the salty moisture.