Say You Hate Me

revenge

TW - $h and abuse

Elsie aged 14

the frazzled thoughts that whizzed through my brain suddenly lulled.

"Oh, Elsie." A voice sobbed in my ear.

I couldn't see anything.

It was just never-ending darkness.

"Elsie, open those eyes for me."

I can't.

"Can you hear me, Elsie?"

Yes.

"Just stay with me. You can do that for me, can't you?"

I'm trying.

"Please wake up. Oh god, please,"

I don't think I can.

"You can't die on me, elsie," they weeped, "you hear that? You can't die on me!"

I'm dying?

I don't want to die.

I want to laugh so hard that my stomach hurts. I want to make bad decisions with friends in the middle of the night. I want to experience life to the fullest. I don't want to die.

I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to die.

I've hardly lived.

"I'm sorry," the voice sniffled, "I'm so sorry that you had to go through this."

I wanted to apologise to the voice.

I was upsetting them.

"O-oh god! There's so much blood!"

Please don't give up on me.

"The ambulance is coming, Elsie. J-just hang on for me,"

I don't know if I can.

"Breathe, Elsie." They insisted.

As soon as I realised that I couldn't breath, something flipped inside of me and suddenly everything went quiet.

The panicked voice vanished and so did my fear. My body didn't hurt as much. I think I was fading away.

And the worst part was that I wasn't even fighting against it. I had given up.

I'm ready.

I'm ready to die.

I'm not scared anymore.

Maybe in another life I could've been happy. I could've been plaited my friends hair and worn short sleeve floral dresses and danced and giggled. I could've lived like a normal girl.

...

When I woke up, there were tubes attached to me and the bustling sound of a hospital filled my eardrums. The distinct smell of antiseptic drifted into my nostril.

"Some untreated fractures and internal injuries provide evidence for us to believe that the abuse has been occurring for several years."

Someone else exhaled a broken sob. "Poor baby girl."

"Miraculously, most of her slightly older fractures managed to heal decently.  And the derogatory word carved into her lower back has been sanitised and cleaned but I'm afraid the scar will remain for her foreseeable future. It was an extremely deep cut." The man that I assumed was a doctor said. "But returning to the topic of her current injuries, her vocal cords were severely damaged due to the strangulation and are incredibly swollen so her voice might not be normal for awhile and we advise minimal talking."