one song. one friendship. one love story.
Lacy Hope is a singer from london hoping to make it big, after her first single selfish goes straight to number 5 a week after it is released at just 20 years old, she is asked to do BBC live lounge to cove...
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lacy_hope 3 days until tour officially starts!! ahh who's excited i know i am! i am so grateful to say all shows are sold out however stay tuned to my team managed instagram @lacyhopehq to maybe get the chance to win some tickets! love you the most x
——— lacy
the nerves are getting to me, with 3 days to go until tour i wake up feeling sick with anxiety. i've never done this before. and now i'm expected to do it every night for 3 months.
"you promise your coming?" i say for the millionth time to sam.
"yes lacy i'm going to be there, all of your london dates, manchester, brighton, glasgow and newcastle. i'll be there for them all" sam promises me with a smile.
i look out at the sunset as we're sat on the beach, it's pretty much summer now so we've been coming to our spot on the beach so often.
"lacy i think we should talk about something that i know your not going to like" sam huffs making me lift my head from his shoulder
the only thing i can think of that sam would want to talk about is the dreams. they are getting worse to the point neither sam or i can sleep without the fear of them.
"about your dreams" he says, i thought so "lac can you please tell me what they are about? every night i have to hear you crying out my name and begging me to stop, but what am i doing in your dreams that makes you so upset?"
he pauses for a moment waiting for my response, i look away from his blue eyes and start to pick at a rock on the floor
"oh god i'm not-" he hesitates "hurting you in them? am i?"
"oh god no sam!" i chuckle as his eyebrows relax as i grab his face to comfort him. i don't know if i'm going to be able to tell him what the dreams really are.
"so what are they about?"
"sam"
"no lacy i want to know, your going to be sleeping alone for the next three months and i'm worried that-" he pauses again "i'm worried that if you don't have someone there to wake you up and comfort you, you might get hurt or something"
i sigh and rest my head back on his shoulder "i'm fine sam"
"it's not normal"
"i'm fine" i repeat, i will do anything to not tell him what is really going on right now.
"lacy i think you should see someone, maybe a therapist or-" i cut him off with a shout
"i said in fine sam! god please stop talking about it!" i feel bad but at the same time i need him to stop talking about it because i can feel the anxiety creeping up me again like it does when i watch the time get closer to night.
"lac please just tell me"
————- sam
"lac please just tell me" i whisper pulling her chin up to look at her. she is so beautiful, nothing could compare to her beauty.
for a moment i see something flicker in her eyes, a flicker of guilt. my eyebrows furrow as i try to understand her.
"it's complicated" she finally says to me, i wrap my arm around her pulling her closer to me.
"nothing is complicated if it's explained, i just want to know so i can help you babe"
she lets out a breath before telling me "on your birthday me and dean had a conversation while we were decorating" she begins, i nod along although i'm confused
"he asked me if you had talked to me about your mental health, i told him you had but it's not my thing to share"
i smile at her, i could trust her with anything and she wouldn't tell anyone
"anyway, dean started to tell me he was worried about you before. he said you stopped caring about yourself and that broke my heart. but then he said 'i can't imagine what would have happened if you never came'"
my heart drops as i realise my best friend thought i was going to commit suicide. it's been a thought in my mind before but never serious enough to worry anyone else about it.
maybe i was worse then i thought if my own best friend thought i was going to kill myself. a tear trickles down lacys cheek
"them words kept replaying in my head for weeks, like they were haunting me. and then the day your album was released me and your mum were talking and she thanked me"
"i was confused because i didn't know what she could be thanking me for, until she told me that i saved you. and then she repeated the exact words dean said to me 'i can't imagine what would have happened if you never came'
lacys face breaks when she says the sentence that's been haunting her, no wonder it's been haunting her. she's basically been told if she never came she would have been to blame for my suicide.
"god i'm sorry" she starts to cry "i couldn't get the words out of my mind, it was like i had this responsibility now to make sure you were constantly happy for deans sake and your mums sake, because all i can imagine now is your mum crying over your grave or dean walking past your empty bedroom every day because your dead"
tears come to my own eyes as she breaks down into my side, i feel like i'm in shock. i have nothing to say, i just feel a big embarrassed really. i didn't know my mental health was that noticeable from the outside.
"at night, when i'm dreaming" my head pokes up at the mention of her dreams. they are so awful, every night to see her go through the same thing crying and screaming. she must be exhausted herself if it's keeping me from sleeping.
"it's always a dream of you harming yourself while telling me i didn't do enough and i should have saved you. and eventually you cut yourself so much you start to bleed out right in front of me and there is nothing i can do, i'm just helpless stood there. and some nights when it's really bad you come back as a ghost type of thing and watch over your mum and dean and liam and your dad all crying over your dead body"
