will we talk? {sam fender}

58

lacy

"heyyy" i smile passing sam and tom backstage passes at the back door of the arena "is it just you two?"

sam frowns at me "yeah sorry, the girls are uh ill and dean and joe are looking after them"

that's a lie, he's the worst liar i've ever met, his face is bright red and he has started to crack his knuckles.

"oh" i sigh "well come in, i need to finish my makeup and get into my outfit but there are snacks and stuff in the green room" i smile letting them in.

we walk through backstage until we are met with one door which is my dressing room and the green room next door.

"uh i think my manager and her husband are in there but you know" i say awkwardly "just ignore them"

i go into my dressing room and smile at my makeup artist who is set up and ready for me.

"same as usual?" she asks me in which i nod and sit in the chair letting her get on with it. half an hour later we are ready and i've got my outfit on so i go to join sam and tom in the green room.

i walk in to them both stuffing there faces sat on the sofa, my manager is staring at them in disgust.

"there you are lacy" haley smiles at me getting up, i brush her off and completely ignore her. i need to eat before i go on stage so i take one of the sandwiches.

"uh lacy" haley starts walking over to me "what have we said about this snacking situation"

my stomach drops at our past conversations about food, it seems to be one of the only things we talk about now. never mind my music.

"haley one sandwich won't hurt, i haven't eaten anything today"

"well i wouldn't know since you decided to leave halfway through the day" she rolls her eyes at me placing the sandwich back on its platter "now go get your ear piece in, you've got 10 minutes"

i turn around and brush her off, putting my concentration on sam and tom on the sofa "there's some guy called gary out there, he'll show you to your seats" i smile

sam and tom stand up and for a moment it feels like sam is going in for a hug, and it feels right. but obviously it isn't.

he awkwardly taps my shoulder "good luck lac, you'll smash it"

i smile and thank him before introducing them to gary who takes them on an adventure around the arena until they are at their seats.

i do my usual routine of getting myself prepared before standing backstage ready to come out.

i hear the last song on the pre-show playlist come to an end and the lights must have gone down as screams fill the arena.

the strum of a guitar fills the arena and i stand ready, waiting for the two screen doors to come wide open and reveal me.

the guitar strums again, this time with bass playing too, the music builds up until the intro to break my heart is playing.

they play the first bar before stopping in silence, the arena is so loud as they all wait for my arrival.

then the music starts to play again, and come to a stop. the anticipation builds up more and more until the doors slowly slide open and i walk out to my song.

"i've always been the one to say the first goodbye"

we all pause again, taking in the screams and cheers from fans. i can see young girls all across the floor jumping up and down and screaming, some even crying

"had to love and lose a hundred million times, had to get around to know just what i like
now i'm falling"

as the show goes on i am in shock to the love and support flooding me right now, it's honestly the best crowd i've had for the entire tour.

"now newcastle, tonight is the very last show of the tour!" i frown watching everyone, i am sat with my legs dangling off the stage, there are security all around me.

"tonight, as it is my very last show i wanted to mix things up a bit and give you my very all. how does that sound?!"

"i'm glad you like that idea because i was going to do it whether you liked it or not" i joke getting laughs from across the area

"so to slow things right down tonight i actually wanted to do a cover of one of my favourite songs, actually i can't really say it's my favourite song as that would be a bit self indulgent. it was sung by a really good friend of mine called lewis capaldi. you may know of him"

the arena screams and i laugh gently "sorry he's not coming out here tonight, he's bored of coming to my shows"

"so this song of his" i start breathing heavily "i actually wrote. and it's taken me a while to admitting to that as it is such a personal song"

"i am so thankful that lewis and his amazing voice got to sing my words and now i want you all to sing it too, this is bruises"

"counting days counting days
since my love up and got lost on me
and every breath that i've been taking
feels like a waste on me"

"i've been holding on
to hope that you'll come back
when you can find some peace"

"cause every word that i've heard spoken
feels like a hollow street"

my heart is beating rapidly as i sing the next words, the next words that would leave me open and everyone knowing everything. not only my ex but also harry.

this is also putting sam into a vulnerable spot, the media will find a way to put this all on him.

but right now all i care about it singing the words that i wrote.

"i've been told i've been told
to get you off my mind
but i hope i never lose the bruises that
you left behind
oh my lord oh my lord i need you by my side"

"there must be something in the water
coz every day is getting colder
and if only i could hold ya
you'd keep my head from going under"