will we talk? {sam fender}

67

"bulimia?" my dad questions from the front of the car, me and sam are in the back, dad is driving home.

i'm exhausted, from the mixture of crying and just the hospital environment my head is pounding.

"but that's an eating disorder, it's not like your starving yourself?" he scoffs, my heart is racing. sam puts his hand on top of mine for reassurance

"plus i'm sure your therapist would have noticed" he adds

"well actually" i start "i stopped seeing andrew around 2 months ago" i breath out, sams head spins to look at me

"you did?"

"yeah...he was working for my management and i found out they were telling him what to say to me, it was all just a big manipulative plan" i huff

sam slides down in his chair slightly and sighs "god lac you really need a new management"

"sam i've told you i'm quite literally stuck, i signed that piece of paper"

"there must be something else we can do"

we're now home, my dad had come back to the hospital just to pick us up, it's now 7. we get out of the car and walk up to the front door waiting
for my dad to put his keys in the door.

"what do you want for dinner?" my dad says opening the front door, my stomach drops. i can feel both of the men's eyes on me

"guys please stop" i huff looking at them both "please just stop"

"you need to eat lacy" my dad says sternly

"god don't you think i know that?!" i yell in a sudden outburst, i don't even have time to look at him before my legs take me upstairs. i can hear sam following behind me.

tears trickle down my cheeks as i reach my bedroom door but his hand finds my hip stopping me from moving any further.

"shh don't cry" he whispers noticing my tears, his arms immediately wrap around me pulling me into an embrace "it's ok"

"life is just so shit at the moment!" i sniff opening my bedroom door and letting us in, it's pretty empty in here, not quite what it used to be when i lived here.

"i know lac" he whispers guiding me to the bed still in his arms, we lay down together and he holds me in his arms

i let out a small sob "why is it like this? why does it have to be me with the dying mum and me with the eating disorder and me who can't control their fucking emotions"

he rubs my arms gently placing his head on top of mine

"and god sometimes i feel like i am an alien on this planet, like i can't understand anyone or anything"

"everyone feels like that lac, it's so normal" he whispers placing a kiss on my head sending butterflies soaring through my body

"and you sam" i sniff "what are you to me because i find myself thinking about you every minute of everyday"

i can feel his body readjusting but keeping me in the same position, i rest my head against him letting my tears fall freely

"i love you so much sam but i'm so terrified" i whisper, my voice cracking. his arms hold me even tighter and he places a kiss on my cheek.

"oh lac" he whispers slightly rocking "you don't need to be terrified, i'm not going anywhere. i promise"

"i know that" i sniff "but what if it doesn't work again? what if i'm just not made for shit like this?"

"shit like what?" he questions

i gesture to us with my arms "relationships"

i can feel his chest vibrating with a laugh "nobody is made for relationships, you just have to learn and adjust to it, you have absolutely nothing to be scared of with me lacy, i love you and i'm never going to judge you nor leave you, i don't care if you want to wait or break up with me another 70 times, i will always wait for you. no matter what"

i wipe my tears away and bury my head in his chest, mainly to hide the blushing of my cheeks right now.

"your cringey"

"oh i know" he laughs rubbing my back "oh fuck i forgot, i got you and your mum flowers, but obviously i walked in and you were on the floor soooo"

"that's the cutest thing ever" i smile sitting up to face him, he has a small smile on his face. his hands raise to take my face and bring me closer to him.

he presses a gentle kiss on my lips making me
melt into him.

"are you scared of the nightmares?" he suddenly asks once i've leaned back from his kiss, his question takes me by surprise

"oh" i sigh "the night still scares me" i admit to him, his eyebrows furrow "i haven't had a nightmare since we were together, and obviously i didn't have one when i fell asleep round yours after finding out about my mums cancer"

he nods listening to every word i say

"there's only one way to find out if they will come back" i smile at him, he understands what i mean and kisses me, this time with a little more tension.

"and what about therapy? will you get an actual therapist now? not one that was hired by your management and talks a bunch of bullshit"

i laugh at him "yes i'll get an actual therapist"

"and you'll get help for your...you know" he hesitates, i know he's talking about the eating disorder. i feel sick at the thought of it.

"yes" i nod to him "just for you"

"no not just for me, this is for you lac. you need to help yourself, i'll of course help you every step of the way but you need to recover"

i sigh "let's go see those flowers you got me and mum, i'm sure she'll love them"