will we talk? {sam fender}

52

lacy

"ahhhh it feels so good to be playing a show here at home!" i yell into the mic to the sold out o2 arena

the crowd all scream at me, i can't see much from where i am on stage as there are lights blinding me but from what i can see everyone looks incredible

"so this is my last song of tonight" i announce with a frown, the crowd all groan at me making me smile

"after tonight's show i have one more show in newcastle and then i'll be gone!" i laugh, there are screams from all around

"now here is the time where i do my cringey soppy speech but my aim tonight is for you all to understand how much you mean to me" i sigh sitting down on a step on the stage "this time last year i was struggling to find a manager, a record label and all that shit. nobody wanted me so by myself, well with a little help from my dad, we had to produce a song all by ourselves and hope that it was going to do well"

"you guys know that song very well, it's called selfish. without any of you guys that listened to selfish day after day helping it reach the number 3 spot, i wouldn't be here right now. i can't thank you enough, it's because of you guys that i am stood here on this stage right now performing to you all"

"this is my first ever tour and before this i had never really performed in front of people, let alone 20,000 people" i chuckle "god i remember being so fucking nervous to perform to a pub. a fucking pub full of old men, shout-out to the low lights"

"but you have all been so welcoming to me, welcoming me into this industry which can be such a toxic place. you guys have really changed my life for the better and i just want to say thank you so so so much. i love every single one of you and you all look incredible tonight"

"this next song is called lover"

the crowd goes crazy as i announce the song i haven't sung since the start of my tour two months ago. the last time i sung it i broke down crying.

however i'm come to realise, he doesn't get to make me feel like shit and especially on stage. it was so annoying to take lover off the set list just because i knew i was too emotional to sing it.

but he doesn't get to make me like that. this is my career, my tour and my song. and i will find a way to sing it.
———

"thank you goodnight!" i run off stage and into the wing with a big smile. my whole family is there including my parents, all my cousins and my grandparents.

i didn't get to see them before the show

"oh lacy you done so well!" my auntie kate smiles at me pulling me into a hug "20,000 people!"

i laugh nervously as i'm now pulled into hugs from other random family members, getting a few random kisses on the head.

"thanks guys!" i smile seeing my manager approach "hey haley"

"well done lacy, the crowd loved it. i really didn't believe you when you said you'd be able to sing lover" she smiles pulling me into a hug

i knew she didn't think i'd be able to do it. all she has done is doubt me lately. well since the tour has started really.

she isn't aware of the nightmares i was having while with sam, however she is aware that i've been having weekly calls with a therapist named andrew. that doesn't help her thoughts about me.

andrew is lovely, he's helped me through a lot and i still haven't had a nightmare since breaking up with sam which andrew made me realise the nightmares because of sam meant our relationship must have been unhealthy and one sided. it's the only explanation

"let's go celebrate!" haley smiles to me and my family before leading us to the green room. it's definitely not how i left it, there is tables and tables full of snacks and drinks

"woah haley" i giggle looking at it all "did you do all of this?"

"well with a little help" she smiles looking at my parents who are inspecting all of their hard work.

"thank you guys" i giggle as more people fill in and we all start to socialise.

"i can't believe you only have one more show left" my cousin aiya smiles at me with a drink in her hand, i have a coke in my own. i'm not meant to drink too much alcohol while on tour

"i know it's so crazy" i laugh picking up a mini sausage roll from the snack table, before i can put it in my mouth a hand grabs on to mine and pulls it back down

"maybe not" haley says, she's stood next to me now pulling the sausage roll out of my hand and abandoning it on the table

"um why?" i half chuckle confused

"just you know, the snacks are for everyone" she smiles kindly. what the fuck?

"everyone...including me?" i say picking up the sausage roll again which she slaps away from my hand

"trust me lacy you'll thank me" she smiles before walking off. what the fuck is that about.

we end our little get together just before 12, i'm staying at my parents tonight as i'm in London, then tomorrow i'll get the train back up to newcastle.

however i have things to do in newcastle other than just touring. like moving all of my stuff out of my flat and getting it moved back down to London to another flat i have found.

there's no way i can continue living in shields now.

i climb into my bed, well i guess it's the guest bed now and yawn as i open my phone and go on instagram. it's a nightly routine now as i like to see what everyone thought of each show.

my jaw drops when i see it.