Eternity

Thirty Five

Silence as Dr. Perkins stares at me while I stare at him with my head in my head, another month goes by and I haven't been cleared for surgery. He's been with us in group therapy and this is my first one on one session with him. Cristina and Meredith haven't either been cleared, Cristina is actually marrying Owen soon while Derek is speeding and worrying Meredith.

"I'm not actually sure what you want me to say" finally breaking the silence "as you know my husband was a renowned hitman" yup, I revealed that during group which shocked my friends "and as you know I've been shot at multiple times before so..."

"Why do you feel guilty about having your son's biological father with you?" He means Talon, I recently found out that the twins are one boy and one girl.

"I feel like it's too soon for me to be with someone else" answering the question "it hasn't been a year since my husband died and yet the only other man I ever loved is back, that he's been looking for me all this time and he loves me and...I feel guilty since I don't want people to think I never loved my husband but I know John would want me to be happy"

He grabs a paper and signs something before handing it to me, it's a form to clear me for surgery "I'd like to keep you here and talk about your upbringing" He says "but it's clear that unlike most you truly aren't traumatized by the events that have transpired recently so I'm clearing you for surgery"

Getting up leaving, I head down to the basement after grabbing my lunch. People stare at me and whisper since I'm the girl who killed someone and had a hitman for a husband.

Lexie, Meredith, Cristina, and Jackson look my way as I appear "scoot" sitting between Cristina and Jackson.

"That's pretty" tapping to the one set of flowers

"I love weddings" Jackson says "I do a mean chicken dance"

"Oh" Cristina shakes her head "there will be no chicken dance" she then warns Jackson "if you start a conga line, I will physically throw you out" laughter escapes me as I begin to eat.

"I just went to the cafeteria" April comes over with a tray "and some nurse called me Reed and said 'I thought you died'"

"Yeah" Lexie shakes her head  "you don't go to the cafeteria, all people will do is point and stare"

"They do so even if you don't go" I say

"They stare" Cristina says "because they think we should have died"

"Pack a lunch" Lexie advises "keep it in your locker"

Alex comes in and laughs showing the yellow paper "Are you fucking kidding me?" Meredith demands "you got cleared?!"

"It's down to you, Yang and Morningstar" Alex says

"Actually just those two" I show them my yellow slip and Meredith rips it from my hand.

"You bitch" she complains

"Perkins is no dummy" Cristina waves to her and I take my sheet back "he can see the crazy underneath the Meredith Grey surface"

"Again Cristina" Meredith reminds her "it's not funny because you aren't going to be cleared either, you and I will be serving slushees at the  multiplex"

"Really?" She asks "I'd choose dermatology over multiplex"

"I'd probably create my own restaurant or sex club" shaking my head "maybe both"

"I'd choose gynecology" Jackson says

"Of course you would" Cristina scoffs "perv" looking at me "I can't believe John was a hitman"

"You know what happened down in Rio?" They look at me "with all those killings and the destruction?" They nod their heads saying yeah "I was one of the people that caused it"

"What?!" Multiple questions are thrown my way

"Also I jumped onto a tank" I show them the news video and they watch as I get out of the charger and jump onto a tank.

"Woah!" Jackson exclaims "that's badass!"

"Your crazy" April says

"This was when I was pregnant with the twins" I tell them.

"Crazy" she repeats

"I don't know what Perkins problem is with me" Meredith complains.

"Maybe he saw your file" Cristina suggests

"Maybe he knew your mother?" Alex suggests

"Maybe" I suggest "given how little you've spoken and just say your fine and nothing else he sees past that"

***

"Hi" looking at the officer "Jimmy"

He looks up at me "Hey RJ, how are you and the kids holding up?"

"We're doing fine" nodding my head offering a small smile "I'm here because my friend's husband Derek Shepherd is here"

"Are you here to bail him out?" He asks

"No" shaking my head no "he has my other friend's soon to be husband's wedding rings and I was hoping to get them, could you let me back there or"

"I'll go back there for you" he assured me "some of the guys are crazy and I don't want you to get hurt, not with John not here" he leaves and it's like this knife hits my heart, here I am with my soulmate who I love yet I'm trying to regain my trust in. It's one thing to love someone and another to love and trust them. I know it wasn't his fault, it was that Heidi's but I can't help how I feel.

When Jimmy comes back he holds up a wedding box "Thank you" smiling as I check the box nodding my head "also could you keep him here for a week" grabbing my wallet pulling out my credit card "I'll pay for bail but my friend is worried since her husband has been driving recklessly and was recently shot"

"Yeah" he nods his head "have him gain some clarity?"

"Yeah and" handing him a card, he opens it to find a thousand bucks and a note about not letting anyone else bail him out "happy birthday"

He nods his head "Thank you" putting the card away "and I'll make sure he is taken care of"

"Thanks Jimmy but also, just a quick photo" Meredith sent me to make sure Derek is here and not in jail.

"Of course" he brings me back "the only reason now is because I had to go into the cell, now with the bars keeping you from them"

"Your amazing Jimmy" looking into the cell, Derek sees me and is relieved.

"RJ thank god! One of the officers took the rings and" I show him the ring box "what? Where's Meredith?"

I take a quick photo of Derek in the cell "Meredith sent me since she knew she'd probably bail you out" waving my phone as I put it away, looking him up and down clicking my tongue "this is way too funny"

"Are you going to let me out?" He demands from Jimmy

"Nope" shaking my head no "your going to be here for about a week"

"A week?!" He exclaims "but I've got patients!"

"Dr. Nelson will take over" assuring him with a smile "you'll be taken care of, your not allowed to leave until the full week is up and you already used your one phone call so" shrugging my shoulders before I leave.

"RJ! RJ!" He screams my name