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DOWNTOWN. chapter thirty-eight | beneath stone.
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Now that I haven't had my hands on a steering wheel, I feel rusty. It's not proven, but it's instinct that my limbs have lost their touch. Everyone's been out doing things–Chaewon's been tuning cars, Seunghan has been practicing with Mark, Donghyuck has been talking to Jaemin and Yuta about some new racing tactics, Winter's been preparing for the absolute hell coming to us now that the Luminaries have lost someone–I forgot that the world will still spin no matter the shit you experience.
I don't know how Taeyong's been doing; After he spoke to me on Saturday night, I decided to leave him be. Currently with Shotaro, the window rolled down, the night breeze blew me back, the back of my head resting on the headrest. Shotaro stopped at a red light, turning toward me. I didn't spare him a glance. "Jiayi?" I hummed, staring at the crosswalk sign. "Doing okay?"
"Yeah," I exhaled. "Just thinking about stuff."
His head wrapped around the area, and when the light turned green, he pulled over to a small spot right in front of a river. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Maybe," That felt like a definite yes, but Shotaro still waited in silence. I hesitated, looking at the deep blue, hands beginning to sweat. "Have you ever wanted to go home, Shotaro?"
"Home? As in Kanagawa?" I nodded, the breeze getting light. "Of course I do. Kanagawa brought me happiness as much as it did hell. But if we always wanted to go home, would we ever get to experience leaving?"
I swallowed my words. "I want to go home. Back to Busan. Only sometimes," I replied curtly, licking my lips. "I left everything behind there. I visited once very recently and ruined the lives of the people who ruined mine, Shotaro. I've deemed it unsafe to ever return, but I want to go back sometimes, so bad. After seeing death firsthand, more than once, it almost feels like a curse."
"A curse?"
"Every time I get too attached, something drastically goes wrong," I scoffed at myself. "I lost a friend back in high school. I lost someone again the moment I decided to race for the Neos. Now, I had decided to race after I went to Busan, and the opposing team's driver died."
