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DOWNTOWN. chapter thirty-nine | for all it's worth.
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"Jiayi-"' I ignored the unified call from Winter and Chaewon, whereas Shotaro kept his peace. He knew he couldn't stop me. I got into the car, slammed the door, and put on my helmet. The steering wheel irked my fingers, to the point that I continued to readjust. Finally, I got comfortable, turning on the engine. I could hear their calls from the outside, but pretending that my helmet had muffled the noise, I ignored it.
My eyes saw red the moment I hit the gas. Taeyong and Donghyuck consumed my head, an unknown rage driving me to go over a hundred. I swerved a strong left, exhaling shakily, knowing that if I pushed myself to the edge, I would shatter.
I'll shatter again and again, for all it's worth. Just to get it out of my head.
As I took another strong turn, driving over pebbles and pavement, Her name absorbed my last few thoughts: Son Jiah.
"Jiah and he broke up. She cheated on him."
"Although she did cheat, he cheated on her too. He dated multiple women at a time and broke up with them as he pleased. He used to smoke, he used to drink more than anyone in the group. He used to hurt and abuse and harass in cold blood– he used to be everything you are afraid of. Don't be too hasty in thinking that any of that will change because of you."
I felt myself wanting to throw up again. It was only two nights ago that I had suffered so blatantly, choking on his words. Now, I'm going through it again. The more I doubt, the more I want to throw myself off this road, how I want to throw my helmet out the window and go off course.
In my head, I saw them in one frame: The beautiful, jaw-dropping illusion of a potential Son Jiah, and of someone named Lee Donghyuck. I saw the way his eyes stared at her in a way similar to how he saw me, but considering how she's his first, it pained me more than it ever could. I imagined her holding his helmet, I imagined her touching his skin, I imagined him smiling at her the way he smiled at me, I– I imagined–
The steering wheel spun over and over until it was tied to the left, the car spinning from accidentally hitting the barrier. The dizzying scene ended when the passenger side of the car hit the other barrier, my hands rooted to the wheel. I opened my eyes, feet back down to earth. I opened the door, hands trembling. I heard them calling my name, but I didn't bother looking their way.
