Catch Me When I Fall

My Fault

TW: This chapter contains depictions and mentions of self-harm, violence and sexual assault

Hit by sudden adrenaline , I leap out of my bed and rush downstairs. 

My mom is on her knees, like in my dreams, except she hasn't been stabbed, nor is she about to be.

But she looks more pained then she has ever before.

Tears stream down her face, and she screams so incoherently that it even scares me.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I kneel next to her, panicking.

She looks up, confused but still crying.

"Tyrone?" 

She seems relieved suddenly, then flings her arms around me.

"Mijo, I thought he killed you!" She cries, gripping onto me. I suddenly understand her train of thought when I spot the bloody knife on the floor, still laying where Boris had dropped it.

"I thought you were dead, baby, I thought you were dead." 

There is such sorrow in her voice, that I can practically feel her pain through it. Her whole body trembles from emotion, and she's never clung to me so tightly before.

"I thought he killed you!" She repeats, likely trying to process everything.

"Where is he?" I ask. 

He would've been here by now if he was still home. 

Ricca shrugs.

"I thought he went off to hide your b-body." She breaks down again. "Oh mijo..."

As the tears spill down her face, she keeps trying to wipe them away, smudging her make-up in the process. 

And eventually, I see that she too, has been beaten by Boris already.

Fuck, I was too late. I didn't warn her on time. She knows.

"Are you hurt badly?" Ricca asks, trying to push everything else aside.

"Uhh... I'll be fine, but... wait, so must've known already. So... why'd you come back?"

There's a short pause of silence before Ricca collects herself enough to continue.

"To warn you. I thought I was too late." 

"But when did you... how long have you known?" 

Ricca doesn't say anything, and I recall when I came home and Boris thought it was Ricca. 

It must've been a little before then.

I swallow hard when I suddenly realize she ran into him before I did, and I'm hit with a blow of guilt so intense, it feels like it actually knocks me back somewhat.

The night I was at Khai's house.

She knew he was home, and she knew he was violent. That's why she told me I should sleep over at Khai's house. 

It must've been because she didn't want me home to witness or experience anything.

I should've known!

I did know. But I was too selfish to acknowledge it. 

I shouldn't have ignored that little feeling that something was off. That should've been a sign for me to come home sooner, not stay away completely. 

I could have protected her. 

I could have prevented this.

This is my fault.