Catch Me When I Fall [BxB]

Community Service

The following Friday, Khai and I attend our first community service hour opportunity. It's an elderly get together of some sort.

I really don't know, we're just here to serve them food.

"This is gonna be so much fun." Khai tells me as he struggles to put his apron on.

I'm honestly surprised he's been so patient with me, especially both yesterday and today. I've been increasingly erratic and unpredictable, even to myself. 

It's almost like I can't think before I act anymore, like my body reacts to situations before my brain can even assess them.

I don't want to be like this, but I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. I've been trying so hard to be normal and not have dramatic reaction to things, I've been trying not to blow things out of proportion, but I just end up getting sad because I keep failing myself, disappointing myself. 

Even worse, the people around me.

"I don't even... like wha-?" Khai mutters.

I chuckle.

"Come here and turn around. I'll do it for you."

Khai turns around and tries to walk backwards, but he trips on the apron strap that's loosely sweeping over the floor.

Thankfully, I catch him before he dies a fatal death.

"There's a reason I said come here and then turn around." I clarify as I set him back up.

Khai just laughs because he's not the one who has to worry in this scenario. He knows I'll catch him.

I take the apron straps into my hands and gently tighten them around Khai's waist, finishing it off with a little bow.

"Thanks." Khai says, and when he turns around, there's a slight blush on his face.

Poor thing. He's down bad.

Then again, I'm not much different these days. I don't even know what's going on with myself.

It's a little overwhelming because I don't know what to do, what I should say, or if I should even say anything.

While I want to tell him more and more with each passing day, things have been really fucked up in my life lately and I'm still not quite sure I'm ready. I don't want to ruin everything or cause more confusion, because I really don't understand anything myself. 

It's new territory for me and it's a little disconcerting, to say the least.

And while I feel very fond of Khai, I can't be sure that he actually likes the real me. I don't know if he's falling with some made up version of me, or someone he hopes I'll be rather than the person I actually am. And I also don't know for sure whether he fell for me because of my appearance, because he's apparently liked me from day one already.

And while I feel like I know him quite well, it really hasn't been that long since we've been around each other. He's a relatively new individual in my life.

Still, he's so important to me. And I care about him way more than I want to, way more than I dare to. But I can't help it.

There's something there, there's something between us that I can't explain. Something that makes me want to be with him, even if I don't know what I'm doing. Even if I'm not good for him, even if no longer having him in my life one day will break me.

But if all these feelings never go away, what's wrong with at least trying? What's the worse that could happen?

I guess there's a lot of answers to that. Maybe now isn't the right time yet.