My Savior 🔞 ( Part One )

Hear me..

It's been almost three weeks now since dad put this toy on my shoulders . I couldn't get used to it, although it's been in my ass nonstop.
I can't even be alone. The best I can do to spend the least time with it is if I stay out after school. Every damn day I have to sit my ass down to have a "session" together.
I'm not taking it seriously, I just give dry answers, or ignore that dumb machine all together.
So, I was just chilling out in the park, when my current girl decided to join me.

"Babe! You didn't even call me! I thought you'd wait for me after classes but you disappeared"
Lorette and I have been dating for a month now. I don't usually date, I don't enjoy gold diggers. But Lorette was the least annoying for now.
"..sorry I needed some time alone. That's all"
She was cute though, but naive. And honestly, she was pretty as well.
*Pretty*
I guess.. I never really cared about girls' look. I just needed some change from all the male companies around me.
It didn't mean I never got tired of them all sometimes. But let's get back to us .
"Mmm? Shall we go to mine? Dad is not home and Emily stays with her boyfriend. We can have something special"
She winked at me. As if I don't know what she meant by that. I wasn't exactly interested to have sex with her. I haven't had sex with anyone for like two years now . And I didn't even miss it.
"I'm not feeling well today. Perhaps next time.."
"Aww. That's sad. Here , I hope it helps"
She leaned in for a kiss. Although, her lips were so soft and sweet, the kiss felt empty. I didn't feel anything. She was okay. She annoyed me the least.
"Thank you, sure it will help"
I faked a smile for her. Maybe I'm a total asshole 90 % of the time but I don't always have the energy to be a jerk. And she was just trying her best.
"Good boy. Call me when you're home. Take medicine and get enough rest "
She stroked my face and got up. I couldn't care less. I wasn't feeling sick at all. It was nothing but a simple lie. Lorette fixed her bra strap that was showing out of her top. Somehow I never really found it attractive at all.
Once I couldn't see her even in the distance, I finally got up as well.
".. it's barely past 3 pm"
Still early, but I got nothing else to do. And to be frank, I was getting hungry and it was jambalaya day.
Once in a month, our Spanish cook always made jambalaya, it was her family recipe and what can I say? I loved it.
The time I arrived home, my father was there as well. Sitting alone in the living room, reading a newspaper. I had no worries as I haven't done shit for the past days
"What a surprise. You're home. It's only Wednesday and it's the second time I see you"
I said on a mocking tone. Of course, he didn't even look up. Yeah..why would he acknowledged my existence?
Dad was like that forever. Good at his job, good person in general, and I can't blame him for punishing me since I was dancing on his last nerves. But this... This always hurt me . I tried , I tried so hard not to care about my feelings all my life. But I can't. He wanted me , he made me now he ignores me. Most of the time..
"..where is mom?"
Still silent. Fine. I'll find her by myself.
"It's jambalaya day! If you two don't join me, I will eat yours too!"
I tried to be cheery. Food made me happy and jambalaya made me happier. But father didn't react anything..
My lips turned down. Why? Why would he ignore me when I've done nothing?! I felt like to argue. I felt like to yell and cuss. But nothing came out of my mouth anymore. Only a soft sigh. I wasn't hungry anymore. More like I didn't have appetite. I went to take a glass of water then headed to my room.
I could feel my heart ache. All I wanted my parents to spend a little more time with me. Not only now, but when I was younger too. I was raised by nannies. I was on my own. And I am still now. But I guess it doesn't matter , as I'm an adult and they won't care about my lonely soul .
I didn't even slam the door this time. I just sat down on my bed and held the glass of water in my hands. It hurts knowing you're alone all your life.
It hurts to know that you can't rely on your parents either.
It hurts that you have so much to share but no one listens
It hurts that you know you deserve the hate you get but it won't motivate you to change
Nothing does. I don't feel I will live that long anyway. It's like, I know I should be better but what for ? No one cares that much about me.
Then what is it all about?
My dad's reputation . He doesn't want people to think his son is a troublemaking piece of shit.
Otherwise...
I doubt he'd care about me ruining my life.
All I want to be noticed, heard and be understood. But on the other hand? With this behavior of mine, I shouldn't expect anything.
My state was fixed on the glass, but my mind was somewhere else.
"...is everything alright?"
The voice was familar. My eyes switched up to whoever was talking. My mind went all steamy.
"What the fuck do you want now? Who said you can come in?? Get lost you stupid ass! I'm not in the mood for you ! "
I yelled so loud, probably even my father could hear. I didn't care at all .
"I apologize Mr O'Hara, I knocked several times but you gave no answer. I saw you storming up and I wanted to check on you"
I laughed like a maniac . I laughed till I was out of breath.
"My ass. You don't fucking care! For caring you need feeling as you don't have any! You're a toy! You check on me because my father made you do so!"
I felt my voice break slowly. I swallowed. I can't allow myself to cry. No. I haven't cried for years. And this thing won't see me cry , that's for sure.
"Mr O'Hara, let's calm down and talk. Your father left few minutes ago. He didn't ask me to do anything. You got home late. You are probably tired and hungry "
Well, not like it wasn't right. My stomach was empty. But I got no appetite. My anger was raising. And before noticing , I broke the glass that was still in my hand. All the water got poured on the floor.
My hand started to bleed. It was dropping down slowly, coloring the water in red. I felt the sharp pain that made me hiss. But this pain wasn't the only thing I felt. I guess despite my glass broke and got empty, my symbolic glass got just full... I could feel my face wet, as fat tear drops began to roll down on it.