My Savior 🔞 ( Part One )

Tired

⚠️ Trigger warning; This chapter contains topic that can trigger people with depression and self hate. Please read carefully.

It's been two months since I last heard about Hector and I couldn't care less. He didn't contact me, he didn't ask me to bring Miles to have him checked. And I never called him either. There were no more fake dates, neither hook ups. I was alone. With Miles being mine..but so alone . Nothing changed. My parents barely spent time at home. And when they had, we almost never talked.. I felt like I don't belong. I've never felt more loveless before. I had the man I wanted but I wasn't happy.
I no longer wanted to be out. I spent my time at home, drinking my way through the days. 80% of times I ended up sleeping with empty stomach after having little to nothing all day. I didn't care. I skipped meals, alcohol was enough.. whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I could swear I've been looking at a ghost. Pale, skinny with dark circles under my eyes.
I lost my will to live. I never really had but the past months became nightmare. My parents gave up on me entirely. Even though my dad no longer wanted to take Miles away, he didn't care about my existence at all. Never mentioned the military either. I thought him threatening me was bad, but it's even worse. I had no the slightest idea what to do with my life. Besides...I didn't have anything to live for. Miles kept warning me about my health. He was worried. *Worried* ... Yeah , as if he had any feelings. And if we're at it, we kept arguing because of MY feelings .
I got tired of it. After a while, I didn't say a word anymore. I let it be. I chose to be silent. Not because I didn't care,  but it was so  exhausting.  My money was almost done. I could find a job..but why would I ? I'm done with life..
Miles was preparing me some nice dinner. He kept trying to help me and cheer me up. It didn't work. I wasn't interested. Not even spending quality time together or make love. I felt nothing..I mean yes I loved him but that's all... He never love me. No one will..
"Will, why are you not eating? If I could, I would too. I thought you liked jambalaya"
"Yeah I did.."
I knew he was trying his best but it was late. I know I'm just a selfish dick like I've always been. Everyone would be happy that they had the love of their life, the house was all mine , even if not literally . But I was ghosted , ignored..and who I'm supposed to blame ?  I pushed my plate of food away. I could see him sighing. I tried to ignore. He doesn't have real feelings, why would I care? I didn't plan to hurt him but did it matter ?
"Will..please have some at least. You've lost so much weight it's concerning. I don't want you to get hospitalized."
"I don't care. I'm not hungry"
I got up, tried to leave but he got my arm. Although he was gentle, I hated it.
"Will. I beg. Alcohol is not enough to survive. You didn't eat yesterday either. Please, I'm trying to take care of you"
I pulled my arm back and smacked his hand. I will never change till I'm alive.
"Let me the fuck go! I'm not a child! Stop pretending you care! That's your fucking job, you'd even give a shit if I starved to death if you weren't fucking programmed like this!"
He backed away and I was free to live. He didn't say a word. Probably because he knew I was right.
I went back to my room. It was messy, stinky and I was too. I didn't even take a shower the past days. I really had no energy. I threw myself on my bed . It felt like...I had no one. I didn't open the window for weeks, my shutter was down. I didn't even want light to get in.
"I don't know how long I can take this.."
I didn't care if Miles slept in my room or not. It meant so little at this point..
"I'm tired..I'm so tired of this feeling..life has no meaning.."
There wasn't a day anymore when I didn't cry. It was the same this night too. I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face off.
I felt sick. All I had the whole day was whiskey and gin.
I relied on the sink, lowered my head . No energy.. no motivation to go on..
I let my tears flow before running water to wash myself awake.
I felt weak, I gave up on myself as well. I had no idea when would my parents get home. Not like they'd care ever again . I was only a disappointment for them my entire life. I was searching something useful.. something...sharp.. I could only find my mother's tiny scissors. I have no idea what she's using it for. Doesn't matter.. it was good for the use.
Did I want to hurt myself? Yes..
Did I want to die? Also yes..
Only a few blood dropped into the white sink..
I couldn't bear to be like this anymore. Have all these feelings but never the love that I wanted. Perhaps I never deserved it.
Tonight..I stopped caring. I did something that some people would call selfish. If they gave up..why should I not?

Miles' POV

It's been a while since Hector last called Will. I could contact him , but Will didn't want me. I really hoped that they'd get along and his life could change . I'll never be able to provide him the feeling he needed. His parents weren't around most of times. Maybe they weren't interested in his bad choices , maybe they were just busy. I don't know. I tried to take their place . I tried to look after their son as always. I really mean it. I care. I wanted the best for him. And the best could be Hector. But Will picked to be stubborn. Didn't even try to get a job. Didn't want to go out. No fun, no quality time. He didn't enjoy anything anymore. I cooked for him daily. I tried to get him out. I was ready to risk and go out if it meant he'd join. But..he didn't. He decided to be on his own. Not letting anyone close anymore.
"Will, I'm sorry I didn't mean to be harsh or pushy but I beg, you need to eat too. I'm worried , even if you don't believe"
"You got that right, man. I don't believe . I don't believe shit anymore. Let me fucking be"
I did. I gave him some space . I knew he needed. But it didn't change that my concern didn't go away.  I cleaned the kitchen so he could have a little time for himself. His parents were absent. They never said a word about when would they get home. It was upsetting. I understand that they were mad and Will wasn't a child but he was their child. It hurt to see that they stopped caring. Or..that's how it seemed.
He had more than a hour to calm down, I decided to comfort him. Perhaps he will feel better and I can get him eat.
His door wasn't locked lately so I just knocked then opened. Only to find...it was empty. Knowing how much he drank, I was sure he went to throw up. I had to check. I knocked a few times but he didn't answer. I carefully opened the door. He was there..but not throwing up. What he did was worse. I couldn't believe my eyes. Even for a humanoid, it was shocking. He was on the floor, both of his arms were red and the sink was tainted by his crimson blood..