To give in

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"..it's alright. Let's get it out"
All the emotions that ended in anger. The neglect of my parents, the troubles I created just to distract myself . Everything got bottled up for many years. And there we go.
"Here.."
It took care of my wound and bandaged it , then cleaned the mess I made. I hated myself. I hated this thing too because it saw me at my lowest, at my weakest.
I never liked to seem vulnerable at all. And it had no right to see me like this. No one had the right to see me crying .
" Fuck off finally! I don't need you! Or anyone while we are at it."
I don't know what I expected. It was still there, sitting like a total dumbass, ignoring my tantrum.
"We can talk about it. You have all the right to feel upset. It's not healthy to keep any feelings inside. I am here if you want to share. I can be *more* than an assistant "
I lost it. It won't go away , no matter what.  My eyes were still filled with tears , the same way my heart was filled with pain.
"Call me Will you dumb robot.."
"Mm.."
I had to realize, this "mm" was different from the noise my father uses to make . When he does it's filled with uninterest or annoyance. But this machine did it different. The irony..
I was sure it has no emotions. Yet, a simple "mm" felt so calm and as if it was interested in the continuation.
"Thank you. If it really is not a problem. Will then. I can tell, we'll be good friends in no time. At the end of the day, you are not problematic, you are simply not understood."
I rolled my eyes then wiped them .
Friends.. I don't know. Like, deep inside I wanted one, but I don't believe a robot can be anyone's friend.
"Don't get used to me being this genuine. I'm having a bad day.."
"Bad day or bad life? I'm sorry I can't relate, I'm learning. I have a creator , not parents. But it must feel terrible being on your own whole time."
Just when I thought it can be less stupid, just proved me wrong. What does it know? Nothing.
I keep lying myself that I don't care, and that I am used to it. But who am fooling?
My tears started coming again, like the Niagara falls..
Great. Let's embarrass myself more. Not a single tear came out for years and now suddenly they won't stop coming . I was sobbing like a total idiot.
"...."
Then I felt it. It's presence, it's arms... Around me. Comforting. Like my father has never done.
Why did I not push it away?
Why did I not yell?
Why did I not hit it?
This was an awful day and it was the top of the shit show.
"I am here. We can keep this as a secret. You're not alone"
It felt real. Every inch of it. The only thing I missed was the warmth. There is one thing I couldn't deny that it felt unexpected but...
.. nice.
I'm not going to lie. I've never felt this. My whole body went numb, in a good way.
Mom used to hug me when I was little. But even she stopped when I got older.
I didn't want to open my eyes. I felt safe. I felt this was not okay , yet...it felt needed. I didn't like to accept. How long was I like that ? Who knows.
The next thing I felt was its hand on mine. The one that got hurt. That machine held it so carefully.
"I know it'll take a while till you accept me, but it's okay. Like you said I'm a machine, not a human like you. But it won't stop me from caring about *you*  . "
Maybe...
Maybe if I start to treat it as a human, then I can feel less awkward. Perhaps then I feel ...
I don't know.. I don't know what I want to feel about it. I guess comfort and trust . No more, no less.
"I hate you. You don't need to care about me. Few more weeks and you'll be gone and I'll be in the military. And my parents will be free . Less with one burden"
"Then let's work harder. You don't want to go to the military . That's clear. We can do it together"
I looked down. My hand was still in it's. His...
I can keep denying as long as I want but how am I supposed not to feel like it's a human like me?
"Let my hands go, dumbass.."
I scoffed and pulled my hands away. I didn't feel like to cry more. My stomach started to growl.
"We're on our own. It's getting a bit late for lunch but it is what it is."
I grimaced. It was right. Hell, I was starving so bad.  My father ruined my day but hey, jambalaya is life!
"Well....not like you can eat. But I guess you can sit there and watch my cute face "
Since my fucked mood was away, I felt like being sassy a bit. For my surprise it smiled . It was different from Lorette's , although she's supposed to be my lover. What the fuck?
"I'd not call you cute. Rude, a mentally unstable mess though."
..?!!
"Hey! "
Did my ears deceive me? Did it denied my cuteness and called me rude? What an ass.
While walking back the kitchen , it kept insulting me in its own sassy way. And man, I actually found it amusing.
"Who knew you can be mean too? Maybe we really can be uhmm.. friends or some shit "
"Will, I'm not a rigid humanoid. I can be however you want me. It's up to you. I can be strict , I can be neutral. If you need I can be fun or flirty too"
*Flirty*
The word kept ringing in my ears. Why would I want it to be flirty?
Why ...?
Maybe I should let it go. Probably was teasing me for calling myself cute.
It was late when my parents got home. I didn't go to see or greet them. Why should I ? Father fucked my mood up earlier.
I was in bed, in the mood to sext with Lorette. It's been a while since I got my hands dirty.
Texts were going back and forth between us. Longer than a hour but it didn't get the reaction out of me. Although she even sent me some nice pics of herself in her new lingerie .
To be frank, I felt a little guilty. That chick was good, she was very good. She was trying her best and there I was laying with a sad eggplant in my pants. Well shit. Not tonight I guess.
I told her I'm being sleepy and she said goodnight.
I wasn't that sleepy but lost my mood.
She deserves better, you can say. I know.
My mind was somewhere else and it messed me up .
I found myself in the embarace of that robot. I mean, only in my fantasy this time.
I felt relaxed. I felt good.  Somehow I didn't feel it disturbing now.
Even though it did only to comfort me, I didn't care .
I closed my eyes and imagined it over and over .
Slowly, I really did fall asleep. At least my mood was better than most of the nights.

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