My Savior 🔞 ( Part One )

Same shit different day

It took a while but I got home. I was feeling dizzy. I hoped that I could have breakfast with Miles. I didn't expect anyone to be still asleep. It was already almost half-past ten . Mother of mine was home. First she didn't pay much attention to me but she probably noticed something . Perhaps the clothes that were big on me.
"Where were you?"
"Nowhere"
"Will. I asked you with patience. Answer please"
"Why do you care? You two rather disown me for being gay than accept me"
It left her speechless and I had time to leave her in the living room.
When I got in my room, Miles was *asleep* in my bed.
It brought a smile on my face. Who says he ain't human? Acts like one, dresses like one. He is human enough for me. Fuck that jerk. I don't want to see him ever again.
"Miles.."
I tried to wake him up, since he turned himself off. I expected him to be happy to see me. But...he wasn't.
"I'm back. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you here. Let's get dressed and have something to.."
"You got back because you are disappointed? Or let me guess, you're mad"
"What..? Why would you say that?"
"Hector left me some information that you stayed at his . He picked you up when you were intoxicated. So, which one? Did he anger or disappoint you?"
I felt confused. He was supposed to hug me and say he was so worried and he's glad I'm back.. what the fuck was this?
"Well..maybe disappointed. Who cares? I'm back and I missed you. I..don't want to stay away from you. I have feelings only for you "
"Is that why you had sex with him again? Will, you don't have to answer. I'm no one for you, only a humanoid assistant."
"Then what's wrong with you?? You don't love me! You don't want to be my boyfriend! It was even you who told me I should try my luck with him."
"You keep confusing yourself and making things worse. You say you love me and as much as I'm glad , you shouldn't. You don't try your luck. You didn't even mean to meet him. He picked you, probably comforted you and you two did what you did"
"Are you now jealous? "
"No. But you should really make up your mind. I'm now yours. I don't know what's your plan with me for the future, but I know if you won't move on , it'll destroy you completely "
There we go again. My mood went back to hell. I barely had energy for this.  Why must we argue?
"Like...you don't even try to love me. I feel so guilty for sleeping with him while I only want you. But you also make me feel bad.."
"I don't even love you?? As if I haven't told you many times that I'm literally not capable. I care, I protect you if I must, we're close and we're friends. But as long as I'm just a humanoid, nothing will change. No matter how we both want."
At this point I was wondering if he would love me at all if he was human. Why would he? Why would anyone love me? I'm sick of this feeling. Finally I grew a feeling that's positive. Finally something that's not anger and self hate...
But all I'm still loveless. It fucking makes me cry. Both of them keep repeating the same shit . That I need to move on blah blah. How?? You think it's easy to unlove someone ?? It's not. It's hard and I don't want. My life is not a simple mess, it's a fucking pile of shit.
"You know what... I just have something to eat... although I lost the rest of my appetite. Do whatever you two want. Marry each other for all I care"
I left. As always.. This was the reason I went out last night. Why did I think that anything could change overnight?? I'm fucking stupid. 26 years of being a bad person, this is my punishment now. And honestly? I don't know how long I want to live like this..

Miles' POV

The same thing keeps going on daily. Will is feeling down. He's out of school, his secret is out too.  His parents are mad at him . I'm just thankful they don't want to disown him.  I have no actual sexuality, but I know enough about them. If he was woman and she wanted to have sex then we could. I do whatever Will desires. Sadly , although I really like him, I can't say we're satisfying each other's desires. Since I don't have my own. And I can't love him . It seems I need to repeat myself forever. It hurts him.. I know that and I swear I wish I could ease his pain. Alas, he wants love. I try to convince him to give chance to Hector. But he doesn't. Even though they slept together twice now.
Will thinks I should be jealous. But I can't. He's not mine and I'm not his in that way. Besides, to be jealous I supposed to feel love for him. Then again , I don't. No matter how much I wish. Therefore I blame myself. He's feeling more miserable than before. Maybe if I could get lost , not to be part of his life anymore. That's also a horrible idea. He'd be heartbroken. I mean, he already is.
I can't stay still and watch him hurting himself and destroying his life. I meant to be here to help him. But he feels loveless and he only wants MY love... 
I told him many times, that I like him but that's the maximum I'm capable of. But it doesn't mean he can't be loved. If you get to know him, the lost child under the neglected young adult, he can be really sweet and loving. He proved it already. I wish I was human. Even if it means that my days are counted. At least I could give him what he wants and what he needs.
Life is unfair. I'll try to talk to my owner. Hector is the only who can help. I'm lost... I'm so very helpless. One minute we're getting along, the other minute he's all mad because I don't love him.
I'm worried. You could ask how since that's a feeling too. It's weird for me too. I learnt emotions. There is no way I can explain how.. it kind of happened. However, I feel concerned. I don't want him to get lost in the darkness of depression. And his parents aren't really helpful, no offense. Perhaps...I could pretend. If that makes him happy. But how long? And if he notices? He deserves more than me pretending love .  Will has been through a lot. He did so much change and I'm so very proud of him. But now, he's giving up in himself and I can't let that happen.
He's so young and has so much to live for. Maybe..getting me was a big mistake.  But that's not my fault. I can't blame his parents neither. They just wanted the best for him. Here we go now.. they don't care about him. They've given up on Will almost completely...