My Savior 🔞 ( Part One )

Broken

My soul was broken, so was my heart. Even though Miles never promised me feelings, somehow it hurt. Does it matter then? If I go out and have some fun? Any kind of fun, I mean. I admit I had anger issues. I got mad at him for things he couldn't change. I shouldn't... I love him, but this is killing me. What do I want then? He never initiates anything. A kiss, some intimate moment, we don't go on dates either... At the end of the day, what are we exactly? Not even lovers.

He comforts me because he knows I need it. He helps me because that's what he's supposed to do. But I'm not being loved... he cares, he's good—but this is not enough. I'm probably selfish and greedy, but I need more. I want to feel loved. I want to be sure that I am worthy. I want to feel that I can also be loved like anyone around me... But I don't feel it. I am not being loved the way I wish.

Time is going, and I'm stuck. Stuck with these feelings. I can keep Miles... but what for? To be hurt all the time? To be mad at him forever when I feel rejected? There needs to be something more than this idleness. And I still haven't figured out my future either. I bet my ass that once my deal with Hector ends, my father will definitely send me to the military. Should I still care? They're not around again. It wouldn't be so different, I guess.

It was a boring Friday, and as always, I had nothing to do. While lying on my bed, some series was playing on the TV as background noise. Miles didn’t seem to mind my mood swings. Guess he got used to them by now. I had no appetite... my stomach was loud, but the silent scream of my lonely heart was louder.

"Will, I was thinking. Why don't we cook something? I know you can't cook well, but I’d teach you gladly. It'd be fun."

"What fun? It's not like you're eating too... so I pass."

I was giving him a hard time, even if I didn't mean to. But what can I do? I'm tired... my life is more of a mess than before. Even with him... I feel so lonely lately.

"Mmm... but you have to eat. So... how about we go out then?"

I rolled onto my back and growled quietly.

"Dude... what's the point? You still won't be eating..."

Maybe my depression wouldn’t let me enjoy anything. Maybe the fact that whatever we do, I actually do it alone. My hunger for sex was low too. Sure, I enjoy it, but he doesn't feel anything... it's very hard to accept.

"I don't know anymore what I'm going to do with you..."

"What do you mean? I keep suggesting ideas."

"I mean..."

I sat up. I felt bad for him. This man was just doing his duty, trying to take care of me, and I barely let him.

"...Hector said I can keep you. He just wants to do monthly checkups. But I don't know what to do with you. We're nothing..."

"We're friends though."

Friends.

Perhaps that's the max I can get. I should feel lucky that I have at least one friend.

"Friends... yeah. You don't want me, you don't want to date me, you don't want to be my boyfriend... you don't love me the way I love you..."

Miles sat down next to me, took my hand, and placed it on his chest where his heart would be if he were human.

"Will, do you feel anything?"

"Of course not..."

"Exactly. Please understand. I really care about you, and I like you. But I'm really not capable of more. I'm sorry. I wish I could, because you need it and you deserve it. It's not fair that me, as a humanoid, I'm being loved. I know you're angry many times, but sadly I can't change myself. And even with the greatest technology, Hector can't give me feelings either."

I knew that. I hated that man more. He caused me this pain by creating Miles. Made my life worse.

"Maybe you really should give it a chance and date him for real. He's human, he had lovers before, and he knows how to treat them well."

The simple idea of dating Hector made me crazy. The most arrogant jerk I know...

"I'd rather jump in front of a bus than date him for real. Once the three months end, I never want to hear about him ever again."

"Although you have to take me for the monthly checkups."

My annoyance was growing. Can this situation get any worse? I'm seriously tired of arguing. I wanted peace, but my temper won’t let me.

"Why don't YOU date him?? Since you're obsessed with him! You think he's such an amazing and good person. Well babe, let me tell you! He. Is. Not! He's a pompous asshat!"

I didn't even strike a nerve. Miles was sitting still and looking at me. Dumbass... both of them.

"Yeah, so either we have sex or I go out. I have male needs."

"Will, I understand that you're mad and frustrated, but making love won't fix your problems."

Like I don't know! And I know that creep would be peeping on us. Fucking idiot. But aside from lovemaking, I couldn’t use Miles for anything else. Although I was also losing interest in it too.

I love Miles, but since that one time with Hector, things weren't the same anymore. I can hate him all I want, but he sure showed me how it feels to be satisfied. Perhaps because he's capable of showing and sharing feelings like any human. But that's it.

"If you don't want to bang me, fine. Your loss. Go out and make yourself useful, I guess. I have no intention of doing anything at all."

I was harsh again. But does it even matter? He lacks feelings... and I lack the feeling of love. And of course... no one is there to help me with it.

---

Miles' POV

I'm helpless. My creator finally agreed on letting Will keep me. I'm surprised that he let go of me this easily. I feel like Hector has his own plan. Something for the long run. Will stopped asking me to be his boyfriend. I can't. I'm a robot, I'm beneath his species. No matter how many times I tell him that he needs someone better and that I'm unable to give him the love he needs, he fails to understand.

I know he wants me. But it's utter madness. As long as I'm not human, I can't make him happy. I wish I could. I care about him, and he is someone who deserves affection and gentleness. I know the person who could give those to him, but Will is so stubborn to give it a chance. I'm here, watching his depression eating him up alive.