How To Kill Elena Gilbert

Chapter 29 - My Elena

Elena

Caroline looked at me fiercely. 

"You have to stay here! Its not safe, Elena" she blurted out. She realized she called me "Elena" and before she could apologize, i closed the door on her face.

And just like that, they all left for the battle...the one that could be their last....all for me. All for a person who did not even remember them.

I wanted to scream.

And all because she had said the name.

The name that felt so cold and empty.

"Elena" i said out loud.

I went to the balcony and stared at the full Moon.

"Elena" i told the Moon.

I was so confused. How could i just lose it all? My entire mind! All of me. I understood, it was because of the ritual with Darius and his father, but how?

How could not have been stronger?

Tears rushed up to my weak face. How can i be so weak?

I just did not understand. 

Then my mind rambled on more, i began to think of Darius and then Stefan. I've ruined it all. I've ruined who i was and who i am now. 

Would the girl i used to be, be ashamed of what i had done? 

I looked down at the sea from the balcony. I wanted to jump and swim away, so no one would have to help me. No one could save me.

But it was too late. They had gone...to fight for ME!

Now their blood was on my hands.

Even my brother, who, who, i did not clearly know. 

That gave me a thought. I left my room in the silence and wiped away my silly tears. My face was ready. I saw Jeremy's and Bonnie's room. I had no key. My hands were fidgeting and nervous.

I stepped back. 

I closed my eyes and ran forward.

Charging with all the strength hidden in my body, i kicked in the door. Surprisingly, i fell right through and the door was actually OPEN!

I smiled at my little accomplishment.

I searched the desks and searched the bathroom as well. But all i could find was soap, scissors and cello tape. Sitting on the comfy bed, i felt so childish. So stupid. I lay back and look at the ceiling. I thought about what the rest were doing right now.

Killing. For. Me.

Like i was a child. A stupid child.

But i was NOT!

I realized the solution might be under me. So i got up from the bed and got onto all fours. Looking under the white cotton bed, i saw what i needed.

I dragged the mini crossbows and ammo from under the bed.

Eureka! 

I beamed a massive smiled and went into the bathroom. I washed my face and the tears that re-appeared again. I watched the reflection i saw in the mirror. A girl with long straight hair.

She was Elena.

But i was not.

Not anymore.

I was feeling inventive, impulsive and impossible today. I approached the desk that held the red scissors. Time to cut away the girl that was Elena.