The Silence Is Loud

Floating

Tobio Kageyama knows how to float. No physically levitating. He knows better than anyone how to let go of yourself, to detach. You know, float. 

It's not always on purpose, in most cases it happens after something bad happens. Sometimes he doesn't on purpose, when he doesn't want to think or feel. It's easier in this case, especially when something truly awful is happening or has happened. 

 He's been able to do this since the age of five, when he was first kidnapped. It's oddly comfortable and therapeutic. 

However, it's not good for him, Tobio knows this. He knows it's not a healthy coping mechanism, but he can't help it, it's just so easy. 

He's doing right now actually. In the middle of practice, the ball had flown directly into his face, he barely felt it. 

Kageyama insisted that he was fine, despite the fact that blood was dripping down his from nose and onto his white shirt. Takeda made him sit on the bench with an ice pack and tissues, leaning forward. 

Neither parent let him play the rest of practice, which he found unfair. It's not like he's in pain or anything. 

So, Kageyama sat there and sulked on the bench. "Tobio stop pouting, you're not going on the court." Keishin says sternly, Kageyama rolls his eyes, still frowning. Kiyoko pats him on the back sympathetically. He sighs and starts staring across from him, at a specific spot on the wall. 

Time usually passes quicker when he's floating and out of his own mind. 

Someone taps him on the shoulder, it's Kiyoko again. "Practice is over." He nods once. "Are you okay?" She asks more quietly. He gives her a confused look, "You've been staring at the wall with a blank face." She explains. 'I'm fine' he writes and follows after Takeda, getting into the car and resting his head against the window, like he usually does. 

When they get back home, Tobio heads straight for his room. "I know, I'm sorry I benched you, alright? Please don't be shitty with me." This makes Tobio stop and turn around, unsure of what he's talking about. 

"I'm not shitty?" There's a look of heart in his eyes. "This is just my face." He mumbles and walks away, to lie down his bedroom floor and stare up at the ceiling. 

"If he wasn't shitty then he sure is now." Ittestu says sarcastically. Keishin frowns and gives him the middle finger. Takeda lifts a brow, "Sorry," Ukai mumbles and walks off, Takeda shakes his head, entering the home office, having some papers to grade. 

Keishin knocks on the door before entering, finding his son laying on the floor, he shrugs and lies down next to him. "Your friend seems nice." He says, trying to make conversation. Kageyama nods. He can feel Ukai glancing at him, though says nothing. 

Tobio closes his eyes, soon enough he starts feeling like he's underwater, sinking deeper and deeper and deeper, while everyone is staring down at him though the water. He quickly opens his eyes, not wanting to experience that anymore.

"I have to go back to work soon, you gonna be okay?"
"Mhm."
"Tetsu will be here anyway, so you won't be alone." How is he supposed to tell his dad that alone is exactly how he feels? Ukai squeezes his hand gently. Kageyama squeezes back to reassure him. "Text if you want anything, or if something's wrong." 
"Yes, I will." 

He closes his again, the pleasant feeling of floating returns, this time it feels none threatening, like he's relaxing in a pool on a sunny day. He breathes deeply, surrendering himself to this feeling.