Courage Comes From Lies

Chapter 49: Tara (Part 1)

| The next afternoon, 5:37, in the tunnel of Amanda's old bedroom |

I sat in the tunnel the day after my first night of training. Leaning back against the dirt wall, I brought my knees up to my chest and held them there staring at my feet, getting lost in my own head.
When Riley said I'd need to stay strong through my training, I had absolutely no idea it would mean having to go through watching everyone I loved being murdered right in front of me. Even if it wasn't real, when I watched Devin fall to her knees after having been stabbed through her throat, I nearly broke. I couldn't get to her in time before she died. I remember being on my knees in front of her body before it faded away then looking up at the queen who was maliciously grinning down at me. I don't remember what happened after that but Amanda told me she sensed a huge surge of power grow inside me the minute I made eye contact with the queen's projection look-a-like. She watched as I lunged at the queen with a roar and noticeable tears in my eyes, before the projection vanished and I crashed into the wall of the cave, blacking out. When I woke up, it was the next afternoon and I was in Amanda's bed with her and Riley at her desk talking to each other. My body felt so heavy and my head was on fire. I don't know how they couldn't tell I was awake but I decided not to say anything and silently crawled down into the tunnel. And now here I am, thinking about how far this training is going to push me. Will this constant heartache really bring out the power I need to defeat this woman? Is there another way for me to bring it out? There's no possible way this is what I have to go through.
Thinking about all of this, I suddenly realized just how much weight this is putting on me. Back when I first had everything taken from me, all I wanted was the strength I needed to kill her. But now that I'm actually in the stage of gaining that strength, I'm understanding just how out of depth I am in this situation. Diabla's Memory... the power of an actual devil. I couldn't wrap my head around the kind of fear Devin and Amanda had to live through in their lives while under her control. Even if Devin never understood what her mother was like as a child, it must've scarred her for life watching her own mother murder her father in front of her mother's kids. Then.. she stole my family from me too.
My mind alternated between thinking about Devin, to thinking about the queen, to thinking about losing everything I loved, to wondering how or even if I'd survive through this. Before I knew it, I found myself crying. Heavy tears poured down my face as the severity of the situation finally set in for me. I held myself just sobbing in the sanctity of the tunnel, unable to stop my mind from racing. I suppose I wasn't very quiet because I heard the closet door open and saw Amanda climbing down the ladder.
"Hey Tara, are you okay?" She asked as she walked over. I quickly attempted to dry my face and eyes as she sat in front of me.
"Y-Yeah- yeah I'm okay." I immediately put on a smile for her but the way she looked at me felt like the wall holding my tears back being broken down. My shoulders began to tremble as I clenched my shirt in my fists, tears welling up in my eyes again. Amanda tilted her head just looking at me and before I could once again tell her I was okay, she pulled me against her into a tight hug, holding my head against her chest. Feeling her hold me this way, I couldn't contain myself anymore. I gripped at her sleeves, practically clinging to her, and just began sobbing out loud. I couldn't see her do this due to how much I was crying, but I sensed she put a sort of barrier up at both entrances of the tunnel, probably a sound barrier. But all I could focus on was this cracking feeling in myself. I sobbed harder against her as she held me. I felt her gently stroke my hair and rub my back as I broke down against her. The way she took care of me while I was this vulnerable brought me back to my childhood with my mother. The sensation I felt while being comforted this way caused me to sob harder.
"Shh shh. Just let it out Tara. It's going to be okay." Amanda softly and sweetly spoke to me as she held me. "You wanna tell me what's on your mind to make you cry this way?"
I sniffled and tried to speak but my words came out in a bundle of incoherent babbling. "I-I- I-I just-" Another sniffle before I attempted to continue. "I-I don't th-think I can d-do this Am-manda." I rubbed my eyes trying to stop crying. "I-I lost everyt-thing to her- s-she has a p-power I've o-only ever h-heard of in stories." I started to get frustrated that I wouldn't stop crying, which only made me cry more. "W-What if I-I don't have e-enough time- what i-if I c-can't bring out the G-Guardian when I n-need to- what if-"
She put her finger up to my lips to quiet me, then placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. I sniffled again looking up at her, warm tears still flowing. I watched her rest her palm against my cheek and wipe my flowing tears with her thumb just looking into my eyes. "I understand your apprehension Tara. Can I tell you a story?"
I just buried my face against her chest nodding once, my body uncontrollably shaking. She held me as she started talking.