Gangsters paradise

page 8

June 12 2004

Yes we fucking did it again. Why? I don't know. I couldn't control myself. But hey.. at least i wasn't drunk. Now i remember everything and all i can say is DAMN!
Didn't knew white boys can fuck like that.
Fuck..
"Good morning.." i heard Em saying
"Morning.."
"You ok?" He asked
"Think so, yeah. And you."
"Im good, im gonna order breakfast. What should i get you?"
"Nothing, i'll eat later." I stood up from bed
"Where you going?"
"Doesn't matter where."
"Yo, why the fuck you act like this. I don't fucking get you. There is something between us and you just always throw it away. What you like someone else? Why the fuck you acting like this?"
I didn't say anything. Im not in the mood to talk. I just don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Why the fuck do i allow him to get so close to me. Why can't stop him to get so close to me?
"YO IM FUCKING TALKING TO YOU? DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME BITCH."
Fuck this, i took my bag and left his room.
If i will open my mouth i will say everything im thinking right now. Maybe i'll even say that i like him more then i should. And he's gonna fuck with me the way he wants. I don't want to get this close to him. I can't let a other men this close to me.
My first boyfriend was enough, he was always really abusive with me. He cheated on me and all that shit. I gave that men everything so he could love me. But he never did it. I was a fucking kid i was 18 i thought he's the one. But it turned out differently. My father knew that we were together but he never knew that i lost my virginity with him because he wanted to have sex with me and if i would'd he will leave me. He didn't knew that he was beating me up when he was drunk.
That's why im so fucking scared to let someone near me. Im afraid, and what just happened between Em and i.. thats just the biggest mistake i did in my entire life. Because he's a fucking player. I know it, i just know that he's gonna play with me and my feelings.
"Yo wassup slim." Bizarre said
"Yo men."
"Whats with the long face?" Swift asked
"Men I fucked Tyla twice, and the bitch is acting so strange now. Like she didn't liked when I fucked her from behind."
"Ayo men the fuck is wrong with you?" Proof said
"Nothing im just saying shes a Bitch. Acting Like shes nothing like those other bitches but shes exactly like those sluts."
"You crazy men I swear to god." Proof said
"The fuck y'all acting like you like this bitch. I fucked her, shes a slut. I don't even know why the fuck I wanted her in my label."
"Yo.. shut up.." proof said and looked behind me
I looked and there was Tyla, with tears in her eyes.
"Tyla he didn't mean it like that. Don't take him serious." Proof said to her
"Nah it's alright, yes we fucked but the first night we were both drunk, and yesterday I couldn't keep my hands to myself because I started to like him. Maybe I am slut to you, I don't give a fuck." Tyla said as she looked at me.
She fucking likes me?
"See, this what im talking about when I say that your a fucking jerk. Men do you even understand how bad we maybe want a girl that will look in our way the way she did. And you just act like a fucking asshole. The fuck is wrong with you." Bizarre said
"He's right, you know shes not like those other bitches. She's better then that and thats why you always act like every woman is the same. Why the fuck don't you fucking stop fucking with bitches and act like a fucking men when your around girls that actually really likes you." Swift said
I didn't say anything, im such a fucking asshole. What the fuck got into me to say all those stuff. Shes not a bitch, I know shes not. But why the fuck is she acting like this? Fuck.
I stood up and went after Tyla. I need to talk to her. I didn't fucking mean it like that.
"Yo Missy where is Tyla?"
"You better stay the fuck away from her." Missy said
"The fuck is wrong with you? Is this the way how you treat a woman? Playing with her and then you tell your homies what you did." Eve said
"My homies told me right now that im asshole for the way I talked about her. I was mad because she acted like she didn't want to do what she did even though now its to late. I just need to talk to her." I said
"Maybe she acted like that because she already went through a abusive relationship and she was scared to let someone around her. Maybe because she knows your a fucking player and you'll play with her. That's why she maybe acted like that. Now you stay the fuck away from her. She's not gonna sign up with no one of you. No limit already left that's what you and your homies can also do."
"Im not leaving. I want to talk to her." i said
"She doesn't want to talk to you because shes packing her stuff were leaving to back to cali." Eve said and closed the door in my face
How the fuck should i know what Tyla went through. I fucked up men.