Gangsters paradise

Page 22

June 25 2004

Honestly I don't even wanna hear any of you saying " I thought you wanna be cold to him." I TRIED! Okay? I tried it didn't work because my drunk ass couldn't control the fact that I was so horny.
But I promise I'll try my best to stay as cold as possible I can.
We had sex then entire night he's still sleeping but listen right now if I wouldn't live in his house normally will be. I wake up take my clothes leave his house and he'll never see me again. But unfortunately I CAN'T DO THAT.
I tried to move slowly so I'll not wake him up.
This mother fucker is lucky that he's so fucking adorable when he sleeps cause I'll wake his ass.
So I moved out from the bed and took my clothes and went downstairs.
I'm actually never that hungry in the morning but I'll cook something for him.
Or.. nah fuck it I can be cold that doesn't mean I have to be a asshole right?
I want to make some waffles I love waffles with strawberries and blueberries.
I was still sleeping when a fucking Waffel smell woke me up.
For those who knows me. They know I love waffles. I'll eat waffles every day, hour, sec.
Tyla wasn't in bed anymore but to be honest I don't really wanted her to be in bed with me. Yesterday we had a lot of sex and yes we had fun and yes I couldn't control me because I'm fucking crazy after her but she was drunk. That's the only thing I regret. I need to apologize to her for that because I didn't want her to think that I was raping her or forcing her to do something.
I went immediately downstairs and I was watching Tyla dancing around on the smalltown boy song. She haves a long t-shirt her hair is in a messy bun and she looks so fucking hot right now. I cannot believe my eyes. I fucked and had a lot of girls but men.. she's so fucking good. Good from all the way. It makes so mad that I want to cut her throat out because I don't wanna fall in love with her and she's playing me. I should also take it easy with her.
„mh mh.."
„Oh my god Marshall. Don't do that ever again."
„my bad."
„Sorry you had to see all that.."
"You can continue I really don't mind at all."
"Funny guy.. but I'm making waffles I'm not that hungry now though. But listen I wanted to ask you if I can have the studio for today. Alone."
"You know how all that works?"
"Yeah."
"Fine then."
"Thanks. And oh, please don't come inside only if I let you."
"You wanna make me a surprise?"
"Maybe.."
"Bad girl. Yeah it's fine by me. Tonight I'm not that much at home either."
"Oh okay then. Should I do something for dinner?"
"Nah I'll eat out. But don't wait for me though."
"Okay.."
"Oh and Tyla.. I'm sorry about last night. It won't happen again."
"It's okay.."
"Alright I'll go take a shower and then you can have the house to yourself."
"K."
Fuck that was hard.
Now that was fucking weird.
Marshall apologizing? Anyway.. if he wants to eat the waffle good if not I'll eat them all alone.
It broke my fucking heart the way she looked at me when I said that I won't be home and she should not wait for me.
I don't wanna be like this, but she's also acting like this. I don't want to fall in love and to give her everything and then she fucks things up with us.
I'll just had to act like this until she's also gonna act normal. If not fuck it, when her father will tell me she can go back home then I'll forget about her.
I left for him some waffles and I went to take a shower and to clean my room. It looks like a fucking mess since yesterday night.
I could hear his shower once I walked upstairs the first thing that came in my mind is yesterday night. I don't really understand why he apologized for.. I had a lot of fun and i fucking loved everything that happened between us. But I guess he maybe regrets it now that fucked me again.
God, I just hope my father can tell me when I can go home and he'll never see my face again.
After I was done with the shower I went downstairs and I saw she left some waffles for me. I won't eat it. If I wanna be cold to her I cannot eat her food. I just left the house and didn't say anything to her.
As I finished to clean my room I went downstairs and I saw that he didn't eat what I left for him. His car is gone.. well I guess this is how I going to be form now on between us. Fuck it I won't let him to hurt me again.
And the song I had in my mind.. is definitely not the right one for him. The rude boy I have in my mind is the one that treats me like a princess and fuckes me like a whore but tho those other bitches he's all cold. I'll made a other song. One that doesn't have nothing to do with him.
God.. sometimes I wished that he'll not exist.
He just makes me so angry even though I wanna be cold to him at the same time I just wanna be in his arms and to not let go of him. But I guess he haves other plans from now on.
"You just left like that?" Bizarre asked
"I had to men. I need to be all cold to her. I can't let her to destroy me while I want her to be mine."
"You so fucking stupid Marshall. If you only could see how she looks at you then you won't be doing this right now." Proof said
"I don't have a other choice. It's better for us to not get involved together." I said
"Then why the fuck don't you talk to her men? Are you 100% sure she doesn't want you?" Bizarre asked
"The way she acts, that says a lot."
"Stupid ass. I don't wanna hear you when you gonna lose her that you want her back. You get your shit together." Proof said
"Fuck that let's just finish this album." I said