Gangsters paradise

Page 15

June 19 2004

Today is the MTV music awards. I'm not excited at all. Why? I'm just not excited.
I hate those events, rich people wanna be gangsters. Good artist lose in front of bad artist. Ist just a Night with a bunch of crap stuff and people.
The only thing that I'm worrying about is that Marshall is gonna be there.
We haven't talked since 3 days now. I don't even know how to feel about this anymore. I guess I do whatever I wanna do and he's doing he's own thing.
But fuck it tonight I need to look happy. I need to forget about everything. I guess after the awards I'll come back home or I'll go to club with the girls.
„Mija you look.. so beautiful." my father said to me
„Thank you. I don't know when I'm gonna be home."
"That's alright. Just please don't get in any trouble. And please take care of you k?"
"Yes Papá."
"I love you."
"Love you too." I kissed his cheek
I know my father seems to be a bad man. But he isn't, that's just how he needs to be. But to me my brother and the other family members he's the most kind and sweet human being.
Red carpet
"You ready?" Missy asked
"Yeah, I'm just not in the mood for this event." I said
"I get it. No one is. But you got this. And you look beautiful T." Missy said
"Thank you. Alright let's just go." I said

The girls and I were still on the red carpet doing pictures.
"T.. Dmx is here." Eve said
"And?"
"Come on girl. He wants to talk to you."
"But I don't wanna talk to him."
"Get your ass here." Eve said
"Fine.."
Yeah sure he wants to talk to me.
I don't have nothing against him. He's a cool rapper I really do like his songs. I just don't wanna get involved with him.
"Well well well.. you look.. beautiful Tyla." Dmx said
"Thank you."
"How you doing girl? I haven't seen you since a while."
"I'm good. Thank you. How are you?"
"Better now. Listen I'll be at the after party. You coming?"
"I'll see."
"K.. then see you there maybe." He kissed my cheek
Why the hell is he so nice to me?
Fucking playboy.
"Be nice." Missy said
"What you mean be nice? I'm always nice."
"You need to stop thinking that every man is the same. Maybe he's a better man then Marshall is." Lil Kim said
"Why you bring Marshall in this again? We don't even date or talk to each other."
"Oh and that's why he's looking at you like he's about to eat you out.." Missy said
"What." I turned my head and he's standing there with proof and the others.
He's looking at me like.. AGH. Fuck him he can watch but can't touch.
I don't give a fuck anymore. As long he doesn't want nothing serious then I don't want him.
The music awards
Christina Aguilera came on stage and gave the award to Eminem. 50 cent won his first award.
Dmx was on stage as well.
This night is so fucking boring.
But I need to be on stage for the next performance.
I'm kinda nervous, Marshall never saw me performing on stage. I'll give my best to not be the way I'm actually am on the stage.
Performance
The song I'll perform is love on the brain.
I wrote this song for my first boyfriend. Well at least at the moment when I thought he's the one. Fuck that now. I'm on in 5 and I can see the crowd going a little crazy. This feels so weird to perform in front of the others. And Marshall.. hm Marshall. This man is fucking trouble. He couldn't get a other sit, he needed to sit in front of the stage. He had to.. like there is no other sits he could sit.
Alright Tyla you got this.
"Tyla you ready?" The assistant asked
"Yes."
"Good. On position."
I went behind the curtains and waited for the song to start.
After the performance
Everything went amazing. I almost cried singing that song. But everything went perfect, I winned my 5th award tonight. Kinda proud of it but still I don't like the awards.
During the performance Marshall was looking at me like he was thinking about something. He was not all there, but still he smiled at me at the end of the performance. I didn't smiled back I just tried to ignore him.
If he's gonna ignore me and acting like there is nothing between us then that's how I'm also gonna act. In fact, I think if I like the way Dmx is vibing with me then I'll go on a date with him. Im a free woman, he can do whatever he wants to do, just like I can do whatever I want.
After Party
I actually thought this party will be lame as fuck. But it isn't, the music is good. The most people here I know them. Nothing to cringe.
"I wanna drink something. But like right now." Missy said
"Take it easy girl." Eve said
"I actually wanna drink something as well." I said
"Yeah, if I'll be you I'll drink too." Lil Kim said
"Stop that."
"What? Look.. your two lovers are here." Lil Kim said
Marshall was sitting next to the others and Dmx was talking to him.
Why the fuck is it always me that needs to be between this.
"Let's just drink something. And please pretend you DON'T SEE THEM." I said
"Fine.." eve said
At the bar I tried my best to not look over to Marshall and the others. But I couldn't, I need to know what they are doing.
"I thought you don't want them to see you." Missy said
"I don't even do something."
"Your being to obvious."
"Agh.."
"Tyla.." I turned my head around
"Earl.. (dmx)."
"You look fucking beautiful. Come on sit down with me."
"I'm good here."
"Nah come on girl."
"K.."
fuck..
"So tell me. How can a girl like you still be single? Hm?"
"I'm not single.." I said and looked over at Marshall
stupid bitch. What's wrong with me
"Your not?"
"Nope.."
"Who's your man then?"
"Ah.. Swift." I took swift hand and pushed him down on the couch next to me as he wanted to walk to the bathroom
"What?" Swift asked
"You Tyla's boyfriend?" Dmx asked
"N.." i punched his chest not to look way to obvious "yeah.."
"Oh.. my bad man. I didn't knew. Well in that case. I'll see you around Ty." Dmx stood up and left
"YOU CRAZY?" Swift said
"Just shut up. I didn't wanted him to ask me out."
"You definitely out of you mind." Swift said
"Thanks fake boyfriend." I smiled at him
"You lucky I like you. Cause if not I won't help you."
"Yeah yeah.."
I know it was a bad idea. But I didn't like the way he started. "How can a girl like you still be single?" That's what a fuck boy will says I ain't got time for his shit.