Gangsters paradise

Page 38

Juli 10 2004

At the funeral
I'm in the bathroom trying to calm myself. I'm so angry and sad at the same time. I don't know how to even talk..
My entire family is here, Marshall and proof with the other d12 members. Dre, snoop.. all of them. I understand that they want to be here for me but why they all had to be here. My grandma came from Africa with all of my cousins. I've told them what I did and they weren't angry but they are angry that spooky just turned himself to the police.
He's going to be here for the funeral with the police officer with him but then after the funeral he'll leave.
I feel like shit knowing that I'm out here and my brother is going to be in jail.
"Baby?" Marshall knocked on the door
I slowly opened the door
"You okay?"
"Im not made for this Marshall. I just can't go out there and talk about my father." I started to cry
"Hey.. look at me pretty.." he lifted my head "I'm going to be there for you. You don't have to do anything and you know that.."
"I know.. but I can't just not say anything."
"I know baby, I'm going to be with you there. Don't worry okay.." he kissed my lips
"How do I look?"
"Your eyes are red like you smoked weed."
"That's what I'm going to do after this funeral."
"Come here.." he hugged me "I'm sorry for everything that you need to get through right now. But I promise I won't leave you."
"You promise?"
"I promise baby.."
"I love you Marshall.."
"I love you too baby." He kissed me "fucking missed this lips so bad.." he groaned against my lips
"Not here you little pervert.."
"Fuuck.. stop calling me that. It turns me on when you being all bossy."
"You weird as hell.. now come on I need to be out there.." I said
"Aight.." he kissed my lips one more time
I think we are together.. I don't even know if we are. I have no idea of anything what's between Marshall and I, all I know is that I love him. And that I want him by my side.
"Tyla baby.." my grandma said "stop crying sweetheart. Everything is going to be alright.." she hugged me
"Yo Ty.. check this out." My cousin said
"It seems that the rapper Eminem and Tyla are a couple. The two has been seen in South Africa at the beach sharing a passionate kiss. But it seems that there are some issues between them. Tyla's father died as she was happy in holiday with Eminem. Tyla's father was the one and only the gang member of MS-13. The most dangerous gang from us and Mexico."
"This mother fuckers.." I said and took out my phone
"What are you doing?" Grandma asked
"Calling those motherfuckers to stop talking shit on tv about my family and my relationship." I said
"Baby.." Marshall said and walked after me
This people drives me fucking nuts. I have enough of them taking pictures and talking shit about me and my private life. Enough is enough. Who am I dating that's my fucking problem. And that's for sure no one of those people problem who my father was.
"Ty.."
"Please.. I need to stop this Marshall. I have enough."
"Okay.." he said and stepped back watching me
I called the first number from the first news company.
"Here is Charlotte Rose, how can I help you?"
"Hi my name is Tyla. I want to talk to the manager of the news company."
"Ma'am that's impossible. We're not allowed to let the outside people to talk to the company manager."
"Alright well I have a message for him. I want him to take those news out where y'all talking about my love life AND especially where you guys talk about my father being a gang member. I want those news gone in one hour. If in one hour the news are not gone form the tv I'll be at the company in the next 2 hours."
"Ma'am I'm sorry but we can't do that. Those news are something important for our company. We can't delete information. Im sorry. Have a good day."
"Alright. I'll be down at the company in 10 minutes and I'll fucking kick the shit out of you and everyone else that won't take the news out. YOU GOT ONE HOUR CHARLOTTE. One fucking hour and I swear to god y'all going to have a big problem." I hung up the phone
Fucking stupid bitch.
"Now that's what I'm talking about. You heard that nana. Why can she curse and I can't?" My younger cousin said
"Boy shut up. You ain't Tyla." My grandma said
"I'm sorry, but she keep telling me they can't delete the information because it's something important for them to have this news and what ever."
"It's all good sweetheart. Come on let's finish what we began." Nana said and hugged me
We went to the cemetery I was in the same car with Marshall, Proof and grandma.
I didn't talked to much, I'm getting lost in all those thoughts I have.
Especially now that those mother fuckers knows about Marshall and I. What if Marshall and I are not even together and they have pictures with us kissing. How the fuck did they even got those pictures?
"You okay girl?" Proof asked me as he looked at me through the car mirror
"Mhm.." I said
"Sweetheart you don't have to talk if you don't want to. We're all going to be there." Nana said
"It's okay nana, I can do this."
"Just tell me if you don't want to talk. There is no problem." Nana said
"Thank you.."
As we arrived there I could feel how I'm about to throw up.
"Hey what's wrong?"
"I'm.. I'm going to throw up.."
"Come here.." Marshall holds my hair as I bend down to throw up
"Everything is going to be alright baby. I'm here for you.." he touched my back
"Fuck.. I need water.." I said
"Here.." Swift handed me his water
Now is the fucking moment.
I need to control my fucking tears. I don't want my father to see me this weak.
I'm sitting next to Marshall that is holding my hand and Proof is next to me. Grandma is talking.
The memories hits me when I was young and my father use to play with me every time because I had no friends and no one wanted to play with me. I can't believe he's gone.. I couldn't even say something to him.
Did I even told him that I love him?
Fuck I'm the worse daughter.
"Baby.. your next.." Marshall whispered to me
"Okay.." I stood and Proof with Marshall stood up with me
I took a look at my family and tried to calm myself down.
"Uhm.. I.. it's really hard for me to talk right now. I think it's hard for all of us.
I wanted to share a little story.
I was 15 years old, I came from school and in that day this girl from the other class beat me. I remember she locked me in the bathroom and her with her friends started to throw punches at me for no reason. As I was walking home pops was waiting for me at the end of the street where he was always waiting for me.
Because I was so ashamed for the way I looked like and afraid that he'll be disappointed on me for not hitting this girls back I took the other way and I got home faster then him. I locked myself in the room and started to cry.
As I heard the front door i immediately stopped to cry. Because I never wanted my father to see me crying. He opened the door and looked at me. I was ignoring his eye contact. He sat down next to me and lifted my face up.
He didn't say anything and just hugged me. He kissed my forehead and said to me "I don't want you ever to walk away from me. I know you think I'll be disappointed of you. But I'm not, I'm proud that even though people treats you bad you still see the good in them. But I want you to remember this. The more you stay quieter the more they will want to see you crying. You don't need to fight back when they fight you. Fight them when they can't see. And I promise you they won't even look in your eyes again." That's what pops said to me and kept that in my mind until now. I know maybe I was not the perfect daughter but I want you to know.. that.. I love you dad. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for loving me, for protecting me, for teaching me stuff that im grateful to know now. Thank you for being my father. Rest in peace pops. I love you.." I said
Fuck that was hard..
_________

(Based from a true story the little story..)