Gangsters paradise

Page 34

Juli 6 2004

I don't understand what's going on. I'm completely confused. My brother doesn't answer his fucking phone. Marshall won't leave me the fuck alone.
I.. I don't understand what happened. Why did this happen like this? What got out of hand? And who's fault is it?
I don't even know how to react right now. I can't stop crying but I'm kinda calm but still freaking out because I don't understand shit!
This is going to end so bad if knight is the reason why my father is dead.
Fucking airplane! I just wanna be home.
I fucking wiped my tears and opened the door.
"Tyla, baby please listen to me."
"I.. I don't wanna talk Marshall. I just want to know how long is this flight gonna take?"
"1 hour baby. One hour and we're going to be home."
"Aight.." I said and walked past him
I need to calm myself. I need to stop crying even though inside me I'm crying. I need to act like a woman now and not like a kid. My father may be dead but this is longer not over.
I went to the bathroom.. I look like a fucking mess. But fuck it, I need to think what am I gonna do when all of this ends. I can't let this situation like this. If my father is dead because of knight.. I'll have to do something. I can't leave it like this, it's my father.
And my career?? Oh god I don't fucking know. I worked so hard for everything I can't just blow everything off.
Fuck this is getting me so fucking angry right now.
As I walked out from the bathroom I saw bizarre and proof smoking weed.
"Roll one for me.." I said and sat down next to Proof
I know I said some dumb shit. But they can't fucking lie to me and pretend like nothings wrong, especially Marshall.
"Here.." Bizarre handed me the joint
"G thanks." I said with a serious face and went back to the room
"She's not good at all men. This mother fucker fucked up everything." Bizarre said to Proof
"I know.." Proof said
I walked in the room and Marshall was sitting on the bed watching our pictures we did when we were in Africa.
"Can you go out please."
"We can't break up Tyla. Remember we promised to each other we're going to stay together no matter what happens. Remember we made fucking plans.."
"And.. everything is gone from the moment you choose to lie to me."
"Tyla I swear on god it's not like that girl. As spooky called and told me he immediately told me to not tell you because he wants to talk to you alone. I had to respect that. I'm sorry, I'm fucking sorry. I know I'm a asshole, I know I say and do stupid stuff but I don't want to be without you. I fucking never felt something like this with no woman. I'm sorry for the words I said to you. I'm sorry that I lied to you, I'm sorry for everything baby. But just please let's work this out. I swear on god I'll do everything for us to be.. be together.." he said with tears in his eyes
"Why you always apologize and then you do it again Marshall? Hm? I.. I can see your sorry. But how is our relationship going to work? Because I don't want this type of relationship. And all you do is to apologize and then you lie again or cheat again or walk away from me and everything and then you show up again acting like your sorry and then you do it all over AGAIN. I'm so fucking mad on you right now you don't even understand that I'm controlling myself so bad right now to not kick your and those fuckers ass. Just fucking leave it alone. You go on your own way. And I go on mine. This.. this relationship or whatever it is will never work the way it should be." I said and took a lighter
"Don't do this Tyla. Now that you know, that doesn't mean you have to smoke this shit. Don't do this to yourself.."
"It's my fucking problem what I do. Not yours. Now leave me alone."
"You'll see that I won't ever leave you alone. We're going to make this work. You'll see." He said and kissed my cheek
"Fucking asshole.." I wiped away his kiss from my cheek
What the fuck should I do now? This is going to take so long for her to fucking trust me again. I know I didn't had to lie but I couldn't either tell her (hey Tyla.. yeah your brother called and said that your father is dead. Just so you know.) that's not how it supposed to fucking be.
But I'll let her smoke her shit, I'll let her to be angry and all that other shit. And I'll get her back. I'm not going to fuck this up too. I love her and I want this woman by my side no matter what it takes me to get her back.
She might be angry but she'll realize that I had to do it the way spooky said.
It's just breaking my fucking heart to see her like this. She's not like this, I mean she might be a little bit psycho and crazy but I love that about her. But she's always smiling and being nice to people, being kind and in love with a asshole like me.
Time will heal everything, I just know that in couple of years I'll be married to this psychopath and we're going to have so many kids that I can't even count on my fingers.
But for now I just need to be by her side. Only god knows what's in her pretty head right now, and what kind of plans she haves.