The Writer Osamu FF

Chapter 41

/Koko..../

Kaede broke off at that name as she reached the exact point in her book where Kazumi took her life. The brown-haired girl's hands trembled as tears came to her eyes automatically. Kaede saw the blood in front of her again at that moment. The sticky liquid that she had barely managed to get off her palms.

As if by magic, Kaede rubbed it on her trousers while her breathing quickened. Panic spread through the high school student, who had never spoken to anyone about that day.

She had never told anyone about how she had had to watch Kazumi jump off that roof. "Go away...go away..." breathed the teenager, who had felt the same way as she had then. Kaede blamed herself for not doing anything. That she had allowed Kazumi to take her own life.

Kaede blamed herself for not being there for Kazumi well enough. For not helping her more. That Kazumi had made this decision because of the bullying.

"My fault... my fault..." Kaede breathed, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat.

This book, this novel, was supposed to help her come to terms with it and help her, just like her grandmother had said. But now Kaede was failing because she had never really been able to come to terms with Kazumi's death.

It happened about exactly three years ago. The fall before Kazumi would have finished middle school with her and gone to high school.

"In the storm of fall
Broken so sadly
The mulberry bush there."

Kaede had had to read out this very haiku. The explanation arose precisely from the days when autumn had brought a storm. Kaede hadn't just made up anything for this haiku. No, everything corresponded to what she had experienced herself.

"So many things
Calls to mind
The cherry blossom."

The haiku, which Kaede found true not only because of her book. No, spring had given Kaede a lot to think about. She continued to remember Kazumi, because Kaede had experienced so many things with her. The cherry blossoms had heralded the final exams, which Kazumi could no longer experience.

So much was in Kaede's head. In particular, she had withdrawn more than usual during this time. Unfortunately, it had been very difficult for Dai, who had kept looking for her. But what was Kaede supposed to do when she saw pictures of Kazumi all over the school?

The whole school had held a memorial service, which Kaede had not even attended. The funeral service among her family had been more than enough for her. A real grave had been a lot worse than seeing some flowers and her photo on the folding table. The mourning room had been almost worse, with the large flower scatters scattered around the room.

Kaede thought it was almost a joke what the school had organized. No one knew Kazumi as well as she did. That's why Kaede didn't want to do all that to herself at school. She also didn't want to see the faces of the bullies. Kaede might really have gone after them.

And that was when the brown-haired girl began to withdraw even further and not talk to anyone about her feelings. A garden like the one Megumi had drawn would have really helped her.

At that moment, Kaede flinched and breathed in and out deeply. The drawing, which she had received digitally, had brought Kaede out of her rigidity and panic.

Exhaling almost with relief, Kaede propped herself up and rested her head in her hands. "Take it easy Kaede..." she said to herself. "Just...continue writing later..."

Maybe it was a good decision right now. Kaede didn't feel like she was in the best state to continue writing right now. It would probably be a while before she could bring herself to write this chapter.