INSIDE OF ME - ENG

USUAL GRACE

"What does that dummy want from me?!"

I'm darting like a madwoman as far as possible from that damned office and from him, risking tripping on the slippery steps, but the sooner I get out of his sight the better. I can not stand it! The coffee excuse was good. He thought he could buy me with his handsome and mysterious charm. Surely, he will do the same thing with all the other poor women. What a scoundrel!

I reach the refreshment point, out of breath and with my heart in my mouth.
I quickly straighten my dress and try in vain to dry my hair. I let out a big huff and go in for a bite to eat, hoping for peace.
Compared to this morning, the area is now quite noisy. Voices, metallic noises of plates and cutlery and music mix together, creating a strong impact on my ears.

I'm revved up. I feel like a fish out of water and I really want to go home in total silence. I remain immobilized in the doorway for a while, I close my eyes and feel my heart beating in my temples. My head is begging for mercy, the severe headache has taken over. The attempts to press hard on my brain with my fingertips are in vain, because it is knocked out.
I'm defeated, I'm dead. I will never be able to get to the end of this suffocating and terrible day.
What worse thing should happen to me? And what is happening to me? I've never had a reaction like that for any reason in the world.
Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it's like there's a negative attraction towards him. It's like my intuition is telling me to stay away from him and it's like there are strange, dark secrets hidden inside him. Yet, there is something that, in addition to holding me back, tells me to go beyond the limit, to push myself further, to break that barrier of hatred that I now feel towards him, which keeps me tied and frustrated by anger and which prevents me from to truly understand who I have in front of me.

Grace's voice floats in the room calling my name, hits me and takes me out of my personal think tank. I see her waving in my direction sitting at a table placed exactly in the center.
Grace, with a toothy smile, motions for me to join her and so I do. I'm praying he doesn't fill me with tormenting questions about Stumphone Jr, for the hundredth time.

I sit nonchalantly in front of her, who leans towards me, almost lying on the table, and looks at me suspiciously.
<<So? How did it go with the hottest guy in Manhattan?>> her shrill voice echoes in my ears, to the point of annoying me, but it's Grace and I resign myself.
<<Good. He asked me to become his personal assistant.>> my monotone voice, without a shred of enthusiasm, almost seeming disgusted and my look, to say the least cold and detached, make her startled.

The wily Grace has already figured it all out. She rolls her eyes trying to gasp out a soundless "O". She's surprised, she's shocked, she probably wants to fill me with insults and give me the third degree, but the saintly mulatto waitress comes smiling at the table at the right moment, almost as if she wants to save me, just for now. It seems done on purpose; she interrupts the crucial conversation to take our orders.
<<Hi, have you decided what to order?>> Spontaneously, I turn towards her and nod amused. She reciprocates and, turning towards Grace, I see a murderous lightning in her eyes that scares me a little. I look at her questioningly.
<<For me a hotdog and a Pepsi, thanks.>> I reply to the nice girl.
Suddenly, I don't feel very comfortable. The air becomes tense, I still perceive Grace's murderous gaze like a breath on my cheek.
<<For me too.>> she replies annoyed, not even sparing her a glance and making her feel like a third wheel.
This kind of behavior from Grace has always made me nervous, that is; staring at me sideways, with the palm of one hand under his chin and tapping the table with the fingers of the other, showing the silence around us when there isn't actually any.

She waits a few seconds in that position for the waitress to take her leave, so she can start again with the unnerving conversation. She keeps his crossed gaze on me as if she wants to study me.
<<You...you accepted, didn't you?>> the low challenging tone of his voice doesn't scare me. I sit comfortably on the backrest, crossing my arms and starting speaking in a calm tone.
<<He told me to think about it, but he wants an answer soon.>> I take a breath, imagining her bad reaction after saying what I'm about to tell her.
<<I don't think I do want to accept.>> I continue coldly and nonchalantly.

The violent bang on her forehead that Grace presses with her palm, almost makes me fall out of my chair in fright. She starts yelling at me out of disbelief.
<<What the hell is in your brain?! Why didn't you say yes straight away?! What have you become, give me back my best friend!>>

This is too much! She thinks only in his own way and expects others to think like that too. Now I'm really angry and if she doesn't listen to me, it's going to cause a big fight.
I bang my fist on the table and lean towards her. My nerves are on fire!
<<Oh Jesus, Grace! Is it possible that you won't get there?>> I'm the one screaming in her face now, silencing her.
I compose myself, take a deep breath for a few seconds, continuing with sobriety and seriousness.
<<I just joined this company and the boss's son immediately offered me a very advantageous job. Don't you think it's a bit...strange?>>
Grace nods, frowning, she seems to be paused for thought. Maybe she's finally starting to understand and listen. Let's hope it's the right time.

<<Look, I don't want to be seen as the one who let Stumphone smell my panties. Although... I wouldn't mind at all!>>
Awkward silence. I don't even realize what I just said. We look at each other in disbelief and amusement and immediately burst into thunderous laughter that makes half the people in that room turn around.

Grace and I, two inseparable friends. I'm so happy that everything is back to the way it was. Our misunderstandings are put aside. Stupid bickering for a guy who doesn't even deserve our words and our breath.

.