INSIDE OF ME - ENG

FIRST DAY

I have a handful of minutes to spare and I even managed to find a decent parking spot right in front of the building. I dive into the middle of that jungle among vehicles speeding at the speed of light, anxious and nervous people rushing in all directions accompanied by the same insistent honking concert. My long legs race across the wide urban street, trying to get me to work as quickly as possible while remaining oblivious to the dangers pedestrians face as they try to cross such an infernal road; my shoulder bag is bouncing against one of my hips, hindering my movement, and some rude guys pass by me, bumping into me, almost knocking me to the ground without even apologizing. For a girl like me, who has lived for years in a small town in North Carolina, this is truly horrifying. Right now, my mood is black, and if I think about having to do this every morning… Welcome to the Big Apple of business, Sarah!

After the New York marathon, sweaty, tired, anxious, and breathless, I find myself face to face with the imposing glass skyscraper now towering before my eyes. I take a quick, distracted glance upwards, perhaps to realize that I am really here, and promptly decide to enter; the automatic glass doors open in my presence.

Entering, I remain motionless on the threshold, mouth agape, amazed by the beauty of that wide, spacious, picturesque, modern, and very bright hall; it is crammed with contemporary paintings and photos of many famous entertainment and music personalities neatly placed on the walls. I recognize an old photo of Harry Styles and go into ecstasy, I still can’t believe my eyes, but I am intimidated by all this coming true. Now, having realized I have entered a world I had long aspired to, I am greatly fearful, terrified of not being capable, of not being up to it.

All around, an absurdly professional silence reigns, it feels like being underwater after the mad crowd left behind me.

Executives, carefully dressed in their formal, lacquered, and perfumed outfits, walk at a calm pace, not noticing my presence, not deigning me a glance. In fact, I appear to be a ghost, and perhaps this makes me a bit calmer, but it’s probably a small placebo effect.

With uncertain steps, I head to the center of the hall and beyond, walking down one of the many long main corridors toward the information office.
In front of the office window, which has a porthole at the bottom center for communication, I give a light, quick shake to my skirt and start nervously tapping my fingers on the gray ledge of that waiting area, distractedly searching with my eyes for someone, and waiting for some kind soul to come to the window, see me, and say something useful. It’s just me, a porthole, and a few empty chairs behind me.

A few seconds later, a middle-aged man, chubby and stocky with thinning hair but a friendly look, suddenly appears in front of me, seated on his swivel chair, and smiles kindly.
<<Good morning, miss, do you need help?>> has a truly gentle tone for that hoarse voice. I decide to return his courtesy smile and clear my throat, speaking close to that small hole.
<<Good morning, my name is Sarah Rodgerson. Today is my first day at work.>> my voice sounds slightly shaky.
<<Oh! Miss Rodgerson, we were just expecting you!>> the guard coughs and blushes, unbuttoning an extra button on his white shirt, a bit too tight for his physique.
<<Very pleased to meet you, Nathan Smith, I’m the security guard, but you can call me Nat.>> Nathan winks at me, showing a peaceful smile, immediately putting me at ease, and that makes me happy.
He quickly rummages through the apparently messy desk and pulls out a badge with my name and surname engraved on it. With his stubby hand and disproportionately short fingers, he hands it to me, dragging it out of the glass.
<<Here’s your badge, pin it on your shirt and welcome to Stumphone Enterprise!>>
I smile at his friendly tone and proceed to carefully pin the badge on the upper right part of my blouse.