INSIDE OF ME - ENG

MY CHOICE

We are facing each other, we look at each other without saying anything.
I'm breathing heavily, my adrenaline is pumping and I want to tell him many things, but his attentive and sad eyes, above all, stop me.
He still can't understand why I came here, I wonder too, but the more I look at him, the more I feel I've made the right choice. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now, other than here with him.

Josh takes his glass of Jack Daniel's, downs it in one gulp and places it abruptly on the counter.
<<Sarah… what are you doing here?>> he asks me rudely. But both his tone and his look strike me.
Josh is really sad and very disappointed. I feel like shit for helping to hurt him. I should have listened to him a while ago, so I wouldn't have hit my head, I wouldn't have ended up in the hospital and above all, I wouldn't have lost my mind over Noah.
I would have still been here with Josh instead. I start to regret everything and as he continues to keep his eyes on me, giving me the impression that I have become nothing but garbage to him, my eyes start to water. <<Josh, I... I should talk to you...>> I stammer, trying to get my voice out amidst all that noise.
Josh turns his back to order a scotch and my spirits drop. I would like him to stop drinking so much...

His back is turned while he sips his beloved scotch. It also bothers him to keep looking at my face. Probably, he just feels disgusted towards me.
<<I was done with you. We don't have much to say to each other.>> he replies annoyed.
I'm starting to think that maybe I made a mistake in coming here. I should have expected this reaction and it hurts, it's like he just kicked me out. He doesn't want to talk to me and I understand that.
Miserably, I decide to leave.
<<Yes, right, you're right... sorry again... bye Josh...>>
He continues to turn his back to me, he doesn't return my greeting, he doesn't say anything anymore.
I take all my pain and, with tears streaming down my face, I slowly walk towards the exit, saying goodbye.

I'm only one step away from leaving but, suddenly, the warmth of a hand grips mine tightly. That gesture stops me and immobilizes me. That hand is his hand and I could recognize it in a million.
It's been a long time since I felt such strong emotions. Feeling my hand shake like that is making me understand that I wasn't wrong to come here and that I'm with the right person.
I come to my senses, turning towards him. He's so serious, his eyes penetrate me like fire.
<<Come with me.>> he shouts at me, over the noise in the room. I stares at him like an idiot and, before I can say anything, he drags me away with him, gripping my hand tightly.
We cross the entire room, heading towards that corridor which brings with it many old images. I already know where he is taking me.

Josh opens the door to his office and pushes me inside. He stands in front of me, and his displeased expression lets me know that he's just noticed how soaked my face is from crying.
<<Josh, sorry…>>
He doesn't give me a chance to finish the sentence. Josh suddenly pounces on me. I don't resist, but I let myself be carried away by him and his kisses.
He kisses me forcefully, full of passion, while he pushes me further and further towards the wall. Now I'm pinned against the wall, with the weight of his body attached to mine. He holds my arms firmly above my head, passionately touching every part of me.
With every touch of his, I feel how much he has suffered from missing me, and how much I have suffered too. I missed him dearly too.
<<Josh…>> I try to say as an interlude in our kisses.
<<Shut up...>> he answers me panting, taking a little of my face, a little of my hair, touching me everywhere with ardor. I'm his again now, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Josh pulls away from me without warning and I show surprise at having interrupted this moment.
<<Sarah, so you kill me...>> he murmurs full of anxiety and desire for me. I widen my eyes, I never wanted to feel that my presence was killing him inside.
<<Sorry... sorry. I did everything wrong...>> I whisper to him in tears. Josh comes closer and we stand face to face.
I am shaken by a billion shivers as he caresses my neck and shoulders with that touch that I have always loved and that I missed feeling on my skin.
<<Sssst… don't say anything. I missed you so much...>> he continues sweetly, revving me up.
<<I want you.>> he whispers to me, and it's a moment.