INSIDE OF ME - ENG

IT'S NEVER FOREVER - Noah

Last night, I returned to New York and it still doesn't seem true that I was able to forgive my father. I'm still trying to process it all.
Lately, we both had to forgive each other.

This morning, I am completely alone. Manila went out on errands and my father returned to the company. He wouldn't have felt like staying locked in the house doing nothing, he told me, work would have helped him distract himself. I understand him, so I didn't insist on telling him that perhaps he would have been better off staying at home and resting.
I would like to call Sarah and ask her to meet today. I would like to tell her every detail of the trip and tell her about my father. I feel better today. Everything will slowly return to normal and with her by my side, it will be easier. In my heart, I hope that she can feel a little better as well.
In these few days that we have been separated, I realized that I had missed her a lot and I only understood that being away from her, even for just an hour, makes me weak.
I had to bite my hands many of those times, so as not to look for her and keep our pact. It was so hard. But, luckily, I will see her again today.

It's the fifth time I'm trying to call her, but she always has her cell phone off the hook and she doesn't get my messages yet. It's very strange and that makes me worry. I still try… zero. The answering machine always goes away.
I wonder whether it would be better to show up at her house or try to call her again during the morning and, if the situation is always the same, rush to her. Maybe she's still sleeping. I don't want to think the worst, even if lately it's hard to think positively about things.

I decide to make myself a coffee and pass the time playing some online MMORPG. I think it's the best choice to kill these hours, seeing it's a lifetime since I've distracted myself by playing a bit of something.
In fact, I've always really enjoyed being glued to video games. It's just a shame that I always had little time, both when I was in my childhood period, but more so in my teens. I had to study, study and study and there was no space for anything else.
My father always told me that I shouldn't waste my days playing with all that junk. He always defined it as "rubbish". And I obeyed every time. I always put my head down, doing everything he told me to do.
Finally, those times are over and now, things can only get better between us.

Slouching in my chair, I concentrate on shooting some guy who's trying to take me out. And then, I rejoice like an idiot for the victory. I have always been invincible at these kind of video games, leading me to gloat alone.
I start a new game when, suddenly, my cell phone, which I had left next to me, beeps.
Thinking it's Sarah, I briefly check the notification, lose my focus, and finally lose. <<Fuck, no! You're an idiot, Noah!>> I blurt out, insulting myself.
I throw the joypad aside and check the message. It's not from Sarah, but it's from a number I haven't saved in my address book. Since I've now lost it, I open it, curious to know who it might be.

UNKNOWN NUMBER

Hello, Stumphone. I'm Grace Brown. If you're wondering how I get your number, the answer is: SARAH. I need to talk to you urgently. Let's meet today for lunch. So, in exactly an hour. I made a reservation at Ki Sushi. Bye

I'm a little perplexed as I stare at that message, rereading it word for word I don't know how many times, trying to understand if there's some concoction underneath.
In the end, I save her contact and respond with a curt "Okay, see you later, Noah" and start staring at those words again.

Will Sarah be there too, then? Grace seemed to be so singular... perhaps it's just all suggestion.
I send the hundredth message to Sarah, writing about Grace and asking if she would be there for lunch too. But, that message is not received. It just indicates that it has been forwarded. I'm starting to get alarmed.

First, she who always has her phone off the hook, then that strange message from her friend. My brain is going crazy.
I'm more and more convinced that I should go at Sarah's house. But I might wait until I meet up with Grace. Maybe she's there too and so it's all just a false alarm.
I'm going back to playing some more, because I need to undo all this worry that's nagging my head. In the meantime, I still have some time to prepare calmly.