INSIDE OF ME - ENG

WHO YOU REALLY ARE, NOAH?

We look at each other for a long time and the feeling is that of having entered a bubble where, all around, there is nothing but us and our silence. Everything outside seems to no longer exist. The music that echoes in the room, the shouting of the people, the noise of the cutlery, the clinking of the glasses and Grace sitting next to me, it's as if, for a moment, they had never been there.

But, suddenly, something breaks this bubble.
<<Can we talk?>> Noah shouts, trying to drown out the chaos of the other voices. I stare at him, but something stronger prevents me from giving him an answer.
<<Please Sarah. Let's go outside, I need to talk to you.>> he begs me. I continue to make a silent scene and turn towards my friend, looking at her as if I had seen a ghost. Grace nods, urging me to go out with him, but I don't want to. I don't want to, because it doesn't seem right to me to leave her alone, ruining evening which Noah has already partly contributed to ruining it.
I reply with denial, begging her not to make me do something like that. After all, it was an evening just between us, between friends. She widens her eyes and glares at me, and she mimes  "go!" giving me her approval.
Disconsolate, I get up and move closer to her ear.  <<I'll try to do it as quickly as I can.>> I tell her.
Grace gives me a kiss on her cheek.  <<No, you two need to clarify. So, don't think about me. I already have my plans here for this evening.>> she smiles at me, nodding at me, pointing to Craig. Instinctively, I roll my eyes, shake my head slightly in the air and we start laughing.

I take my shawl and my purse and wave to Grace. I look back at Noah, who is now more close to me and I feel my heart waver. 
<<Okay. Let's go.>> I reply resignedly, in the end.

We leave the Auction House, next to each other.  Noah continues to advance calmly, keeping his hands in his pockets, while I stop in front of the entrance to the club.
I thought his intention was to talk to me out of here and then, once it was done, go back inside to Grace. But I was wrong, his intention was to take me away from this place.
He doesn't even notice that I'm no longer next to him or behind him.
I run towards him, trying to stop him.  << Noah!  Wait!>> I shout after him.

He turns around and, for a second, I have that stupid heartbeat again, the same as just now and the same as every time.
<<What is it?>> he asks me frowning.
<<Where are we going? I thought we were talking out there.>> pointing to the place.
<<There's too much noise and we've already reached the car. I'll take you to a quieter place.  >> he answers me a little annoyed.
I remain stunned for a handful of seconds, before coming to my senses and starting to get nervous.
<<I'm not going anywhere with you. I want to stay here and then go back to Grace.>> I reply harshly.
I feel like we're almost back to the way we were at the beginning, when I couldn't stand him and he acted as if everything was owed to him.
<<Why are you doing this, Sarah? I swear, I don't understand you. It seemed to me that we...>>
I don't let him finish this time either, even though I am penetrated by his perplexity and sadness.
<<We, what? There's nothing between us, Noah.  Nothing. Every time I'm with you, nothing ever goes right. There's always something happening. And you weren't honest with me.>> I blurt out in his face. But this last sentence, it's like it touched him in some way.
<<What are you saying... I've always been honest with you>> he replies, hurt.
I look at him with regret, because I know that in part, he is keeping something important hidden from me and I know this, thanks to Manila's words, which immediately come to mind.
<<No, it's not like that... I know you're hiding too many things to me.>> I sigh and decide the right time has come to ask him.  <<Noah, I think I should know now, after everything I've seen happen recently. Who is Josh to you? >>
My question comes straight to him like a bolt from the blue.