INSIDE OF ME - ENG

FROM BEGINNING TO END - The Departure - final chapter

SARAH

The taxi stops in front of the entrance to my terminal. I arrived on time, and I still have about a couple of hours before I have to board.

I was able to take care of all the various things calmly. I have tidied up and cleaned the house thoroughly, so that Grace, once she comes to collect all the food left in the pantry and freezer, won't have to do anything else and I have prepared the suitcases and backpack, neatly throwing in the bare essentials.
In that house I still left many things, and many memories, with the intention, perhaps, of coming back one day.
I will miss everything. I will miss my little apartment, I will miss my best friend and I will miss him.
I imagine he met with Grace and he already knows everything. I feel a sinking feeling thinking about how he will surely have reacted after reading my letter. I'm sure she will have already given it to him. Assuming he had the coolness to open it... although I'm not so sure. He might even have torn it into a thousand little pieces and thrown it in the dustbin.

I push all these thoughts away, trying to leave them behind me and slowly come into the airport.
I'm struggling to tow two huge trolleys, on my shoulders I'm carrying a gigantic backpack that weighs a hundredweight and, to make sure I don't miss anything, a medium shoulder bag where I've put my passport, wallet and mobile phone inside, already in flight mode, a pair of Bluetooth earphones, a mirror, a lip gloss, a pack of tissues and other odds and ends that will always come in handy during the trip, seeing that I will have to sit for at least eight long, endless hours.
It's a direct flight, New York – London, and during that entire journey, I won't have to have a single depressing thought about him. Above all, I won't have to have second thoughts that would make me backtrack once I land to Heathrow. Therefore, I will have to have everything at hand, which I will need to be able to distract myself.
I have firmly decided to change my life and never look back and, now that I'm here, that I'm about to take this big step, I absolutely don't have to find any reason that can stop me from doing it.

JFK airport is huge and I am amazed by it. I feel like I've just become a little ant among many little ants.
Now I'll just have to organize myself and figure out how to pass the time. With all this stuff behind me, I couldn't get very far. I already have sore muscles and a lot of back pain. Probably, when the time comes to board and finally sit down for a long time, I will already be completely knocked out. I'm really sleepy. Last night, I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep a wink and today, I'm paying the consequences. However, at the same time, I feel fibrillated and therefore, I don't think I will be able to sleep even for an hour along that entire high-altitude route, even if it would be the best solution. Sleep deeply, without having any thoughts.

Tired and at a very slow pace, I walk, sniffing like a truffle dog, directly towards the Dunkin' Donuts kiosk. I'm a little hungry and those donuts are very tempting. My stomach opens even more as soon as I see them before my eyes.
I'm being greedy and order two, with a good cup of coffee, since I need to recharge properly. I devour them heartily in the blink of an eye, feeling immediately satisfied.

The airport is really crowded and the rows of chairs are almost all occupied. Fortunately, I spot a queue for the free half and, in a hurry, I immediately go to take a seat. Finally, I have the opportunity to rest my legs and arms a bit.  I couldn't stand dragging all that weight back and forth any longer. I can already imagine being at Paul's house and jumping in the shower for at least an hour. Right now, I really need it, since I'm sweating a lot. And that's bad, because on a plane you always die from the cold. But this is how it is in my case and therefore, I am sure that I will arrive in London full of a cold or with a fever, in the worst case scenario. I really think it's a good start, like the first day of a new life!
Meanwhile, I turn my eyes everywhere, observing the people around. There are those who run, those who shout, those who still walk with their heads on the pillow, those who listen to music or read, those who eat or drink or those who are blissfully doing none of this, just like me. And, if I have to be honest, I'm getting a little bored.
There is something, however, that I could do to kill time... now, I remember putting a book inside my backpack.
I have billions of books at home, but I left them all on the shelves. I only have one with me, which I haven't had a chance to start yet. This might be the perfect time, starting it right now.
I carefully open this mega backpack that is bigger than me, taking out Dickens, one of the writers I have always appreciated so much, and I start to launch into reading Oliver Twist.