INSIDE OF ME - ENG

A NEW CHANCE

The decisive step of the heels of my pitch black pumps echoes along a desolate and slightly battered avenue. You can only hear that noise and the sound of my labored breathing because I'm in a hurry to get there and I have the anxiety of "I don't know what I'll find in front of me". I also feel uncomfortable wearing a tight burgundy mini sheath dress that I wanted to wear just for the occasion. It makes me look pretty sexy. It's definitely not very comfortable for a ride of this style.

It's almost midnight and I'm about to reach the club. Then I start a very sensual walk, it's just a crazy way to get noticed, if anyone ever notices me.
In the distance I glimpse a dingy suburban club full of colored lights. It sadly imposes itself in that infamous neighborhood where a gigantic fuchsia writing in Gothic characters illuminates the name of the place "THE FIRE PHOENIX".

In front of the front door there is a big African American boy with dreadlocks and the physique of a body builder. He has a face so serious it's almost scary and with that same face "if you try to have problems with me you'll become a meatball" he controls the situation, keeping his arms well crossed on his chest, as if to underline his enormous and colorful Maori style tattoos on the muscles, almost arrogantly chewing chewing gum.

All this uncomfortable atmosphere is surrounded by the music that comes from inside the venue.
I would like to go back, run away immediately, I no longer feel safe but unfortunately, just at that moment when I am about to backtrack, that boy sees me. <<Hi sweetie.>>

Here... here we are. He saw me, what do I do now? Do I tell him that I've taken the wrong path, that I'm drunk and lost, or should I tell him the truth about why I'm there in that dirty place full of sleazy guys? I start again with my usual idiotic mantra that never leads to anything good "Calm down Sarah, calm down..." but it is precisely in that moment that I decide to make the right or wrong choice, in my most unconscious, I see that cheeky face and rude from Noah who laughs at me after the fool with his father and, still with that slap face of his, tells me "This time you deserve it Sarah, you made a big deal".

I feel like I'm in hypnotic mode again, until that guy tries to get my attention.
<<Hey, beauty! Did you get lost by any chance?>>
And that's when I decide to shake myself off and calm down, deciding to send to hell with all my strength that stupid thought that had recently invaded my head, and I take a breath.
<<Hi... Sorry, I was lost in my thoughts... My name is Sarah, I'm looking for Josh Lemaine, the owner.>>
That boy with an almost friendly face looks at me amused and I feel completely embarrassed and extremely stupid, because only Sarah always manages to make a great impression, due to my little self-hypnotism problem.
Meanwhile, the big boy brings two of his enormous fingers closer to the earphone he holds in his left ear.
<<Dude! I'm Karim! Move your ass, there's a chick here looking for you!>>
I'm shocked but I don't want to show it. If I ever allowed myself to talk like this to my boss, he would have fired me already! Ha ha, of course... he already fired me!

I try to achieve one of my naughtiest looks, sensually biting my lower lip.
Karim, here is his name that I learned without formal introductions. He looks at me so ambiguously, almost as if he wants me naked with just his eyes. And I stay like that, making him believe it. It's a stupid game of looks and smiles. I have to start playing this comedy before it turns into tragedy. Karim controls the game for me and I control it for him. Him to avoid getting fired and to discover a new lap dancing diva and me... well, me to get hired, obviously. The bolder you are, the better. And I just need money and entertainment right now. I no longer want to think about things that get in the way of my happiness. I feel so empty that a whole train could pass over me and I wouldn't feel a thing. I want to live, unfortunately now badly, but I want to live...

I don't know why I'm thinking and doing this, maybe it's because of disappointment or maybe it's because of him, Noah. Yes, it's all his fault. I hate you Noah Stumphone! You ruined my life, laughed at me without stopping what your father was doing to me and let him fire me. One day you will remember me and regret what you did to me. You will fail too, I'm sure.