INSIDE OF ME - ENG

EVERYTHING ALWAYS COMES BACK TO YOU

Dawn has broken, and it's time to go home and try to sleep for a few hours, but with all the adrenaline and emotions of tonight, I think it will be quite difficult to sleep a wink.

We are both very tired, but it's a tiredness that is not weighing on us, simply because we are happy.
<<Do you want me to take you home?>> Josh asks me sweetly.
His question comes to me a few seconds late, because I am left admiring him, enchanted one last time in his entirety, while he then begins to get dressed.
<<Oh yes... sure... thanks, if it's not inconvenient.>> I reply distractedly.
He comes over with that damn cheeky smile that drives me crazy, buttoning up his shirt.
<<Apart from the fact that we're on the street, but nothing is inconvenient to me if it's about you.>>
He lifts my chin slightly, giving me a warm kiss.
He seems to be more damn provocative, with his hair still sweaty and disheveled and his cheeks slightly flushed. Josh… how did I stay away from you all this time…

He kisses me a second time, his lips have the power to stun me. How I wish he wouldn't stop.
<<You are so beautiful, Sarah. I wish I didn't have to take you home...>> he murmurs a little sadly.
<<Then let's not go away. Let's still stay here.>> I tell him, in a tone that almost seems seductive.
<<I would, if I could. But they will come to clean the place in an hour and I have chores to do during the day. While you… you need to rest.>> Josh notices my slightly sullen expression, and to tease me, he gives me a series of pinches on my hips, thus managing to make me laugh.
<<Come on, stop it!>> I reply amused.
We start playing and laughing like two children.  He doesn't stop pinching me, but I don't stop rubbing his hair, and so on, for a while, until he decides to stop.
<<It's better go now. Are you coming to see me again tonight?>> he asks, already knowing my answer.
<<Yes, and I can't wait.>> I reply happily.
Josh smiles at me. He is finally at peace and so am I, thanks to him.
We join hands and leave that office, walking calmly towards the exit, reaching his car.

We stop in front of my house. Unfortunately that journey was far too short and I am forced to say goodbye to him and thinking of being without him until tonight makes me a little sad. I don't want to leave him.
Josh looks at me, and I can't help but notice the softness in his eyes right now.
<<I'll see you tonight, okay?>> he says to me, almost as if he wants to comfort me. I nod and give him a quick kiss before getting out of the car.
<<See you later, then.>> I reply, feeling more relaxed.

I remain still on the pavement for a while to watch him speed away but, for a moment, a bad memory comes back to take over my head, trying to ruin my current serenity.
About a week ago, same sidewalk… me, Josh and Noah. That fight. Those words Josh had said out of turn to hurt me. Him throwing a violent punch at Noah, and me walking away from both of them. All in a very short space of time.
Now I'm here again, in the same place, but with a very different situation and without a person who I deluded myself could be part of my life; Noah.

Something inside moves, thinking of him. And I can't make sense of it. Lately, everything was wrong with him, everything was too twisted.  Yet, here I am, thinking about it... and the more I think about it, the more I feel something so deep inside that it is incomprehensible to me.
I found Josh again and I know that I am happy with him, but there is something stronger that, in my heart, refers me to Noah.
I find myself again, I wake up from that sudden thought, and I immediately go home.

I hastily throw everything on the floor, as I usually do, since I am the messiest person on the planet, because I remembered that I had kept my cell phone turned off for almost the whole night. I slap my hand badly on my forehead at the thought of Grace, leaving a clear red mark. I retrieve it from the purse that I threw on the ground and promptly turn it on.