INSIDE OF ME - ENG

TRUE FRIENDSHIP IS FOREVER

The same day, I decide to call my best friend. In the end, I make up my mind.
I'm still sitting on the ground staring into space. I don't feel like doing anything but I also don't feel like sitting at home alone, waiting for Noah to arrive. I know he'll need me after this long, sad day, but I... feel like I don't need him. In fact, I feel like I need to stay away from him for a while. I won't be able to look at him in the eyes like before after what happened. I would just feel more guilty, much more than I already do.
I will never be able to get rid of all the hurt I caused Josh. It's only my fault that this tragedy happened. Only my fault. And I will never forgive myself.

I get up slowly and go to look for the cell phone I left in my room. I feel like I've become a zombie. I also lost my hunger. By now those good pancakes will have already become frozen and I don't even try to force myself to taste one, no matter how much Noah worked and prepared them with so much love, my stomach is completely closed.
I just pour a little orange juice into my glass, because my throat has become totally dry and my mouth feels tied. The fresh sensation of that delicious juice that quickly flows down helps me recover a little.

I walk towards my room and take my cell phone.  I can't calm down, my hands are shaking and my mouth is dry again. But I have to call her, I need to see her. I really don't want anything anymore. I just miss my friend. And right now, I really need her.
I scroll through the address book and call her.
<<Hey! You're alive then!>> Grace exclaims from the other side. Upon hearing her voice, I can no longer hold back and burst into sobs intensely.
<<Sarah? Hey, hey!  Froggy, what's happening to you?!>> worried question.
And between one sob and another, I try to make myself understood.
<<Grace... I... p-p-please. L-l-let's see each other.>> I stammer, completely desperate.
<<God... of course! Yes, sure! I'll run to you, okay?>>
<<T-thank you.>> I sob again.
Grace greets me with great concern, saying "see you very soon".
Exactly the next second, I throw the phone on the bed and burst into tears even louder, managing to almost completely lose her voice.

A quarter of an hour later, the intercom rings;  It's Grace. I leave the room and run to open.
I hear her hurrying up the stairs and five seconds later, I find her in front of me, out of breath and in a panic. My face is destroyed, I'm probably unrecognizable.
<<Oh God, Sarah! Calm down, come here.>> she hugs me tightly. My crying fit starts again and it's so loud that it almost pierces her eardrums.  But I vent, I vent to her because I know I can, she's my best friend after all. Her warm embrace comforts me.
Unfortunately, I'm soaking part of her light blue blouse, but she doesn't care. I return her hug strongly and she starts stroking my hair, intent on calming me slightly.
<<Oh, Sarah... let's go sit down. Tell me everything, please. You're making me worry so much.>> she murmurs thoughtfully. I nod and we go and sit on the sofa in the living room.

Grace hands me a pack of tissues. I'm making a lot of nosebleeds from crying. I thank her and blow it making a lot of noise.
Grace, meanwhile, continues to watch me with concern.
<<So, do you want to tell me what's happening to you?>> she asks me after a while. I look at her, but I can't look completely into her eyes, because the pain comes again. I lower my gaze slightly and, for a while, this feeling passes.
<<I have so many things to tell you, Grace. I wouldn't know where to start.>> I murmur with a broken voice.
<<And you start where you feel like starting.  You know you don't have to worry about me.>> she comforts me.
I nod again, giving her a half-sad smile.
<<I'm pregnant. Noah is the father. I found it out a few weeks ago.>> I confide. I try to look at her. She rolls her eyes, bringing both hands to her mouth. <<And when were you waiting to tell me? At the birth?!>> she exclaims in surprise. I still smile, but inside, I continue to cry.
<<Too many things happened and I didn't know how to tell you. You would have thought I was crazy...>>
<<But you're crazy, or it wouldn't be you!>> she exclaims ironically, starting to laugh.