𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙂𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙚 [E.Diaz]

Losing the Feeling

Losing The Feeling

HER EYES stared at the popcorn ceiling, her clock reading 4:56 AM. Another sleepless night, nightmares coming in twos, and the insomnia creeping back.  In the pit of her stomach, her emotions were sitting down cutting at her, leaving her restless and confused. 

It was starting to feel like how she used to feel, a year ago. A never-ending cycle of waking up, going to work, coming home repeating, and in the middle of a few events. It was all well end good but she still was lonely, friendship was nice to have and she loved having Alex, still, it felt empty. 

Josie pushed her comforter off her bare legs, walking over to the stack of photos on her dresser. Photos she had printed off her phone that she had forgotten to put up on the fairly light wall. She picked them up and walked back to her bed spreading them out. 

The first photo is a selfie she had taken with Buck in his apartment when he was still Injured.  A second one of her and Christopher in the firehouse, smiling leaning on the firepole. She could recall the day, it was the presentation day for firefighters, Eddie stopped to take their photo. 

A third, her Alex and Levi. Sat on the back of the ambulance holding each other in an embrace grinning. Fourth, Josie and Henry hold up cookies in the firehouse grinning at the camera. The last of her and Eddie, hugging at his ceremony, his family had been taking photos and he sent them. Seeing the way she smiled at him made her heart pound. 

Missing how she used to feel. She pushed the pictures back into the pile, setting them on her nightstand. She stops, looking down at her foot seeing a black t-shirt with the words LAFD on the breast. 

Josie went to her knees, picking up the shirt. She hadn't even bothered with returning it to Eddie, not sure why. She placed her nose to the black cloth inhaling the smell, the sandalwood and cedar laced the fabric ever so slightly, a sense of comfort coming back to her. 

She brought her knees to her chest, holding the shirt to herself.  The stubborn need to be angry dispersed and she only cared about this moment, the one thing of his she couldn't give up, or was sure he had forgotten he gave to her in the first place. 

Josie shook her head, crawling back into her sheets. The black shirt still in her arms, she pushed her face into her pillow, trying to get herself back to sleep. Doing the best she could to not just daydream about what she could have done better, to have made things better instead of worse. 

⍧⍧⍧

THE SIRENS OF THE AMBULANCE blared through the neighborhood, a call of a girl being stabbed in almost mugging. Levi behind the wheel anxiously looked around, darting his eyes at each street sign, stopping finally at a small playground. 

Josie hopped out of the passenger door, walking over to the police and onlookers. Few other cops stood around. On the ground a young girl, college-aged, held her stomach with red crimson coating her fingers, whimpering in pain.