𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬

Chapter 39

I felt so exhausted...

Of fighting, of crying, of this painful stab to my heart. I wanted everything to stop, I begged everything to stop. However, it was as if I stood on this planet alone, with no one beside me. No matter how much I screamed, no matter how much I cried, and no matter how much I prayed, no one came to my aid. I was on my own, and as much as I wanted to hold on, to fight, to free myself, I just couldn't.

The darkness... It felt too comforting, too safe, and too calming. I had no choice, I had to embrace it, and when I did, it saved me from the pain.

Perhaps the darkness wasn't too bad, perhaps it was the key to ending my misery.. and it was. For when I reached out my hand and held the dark, I felt alive. All of my problems faded into dust, the pain immediately left my body, and the world didn't seem so cruel anymore. I was saved, and I was.. fine.

No more tears, no more screams, and no more sadness. I should have been happy, and I should have been satisfied with where I stood.

But I was a fool, and I tried to run. Basking in the comforting glare of the darkness proved to be too much for me, I tried to escape.. and it punished me. I lost control of my body. It was as if something was pushing me down, preventing any movement. The darkness embraced me too tightly, until I became unmoving, paralyzed.

Why did I try to escape? When I was so much safer and protected in the darkness? What was so tempting that I had to leave the comforts of the void? What was calling for me? Was it the peace of the light? Was it my heart wanting to give in? Was it the seduction of death? What was it? What could have been so powerful that it almost made me run away from the darkness that saved me?

Was I finally about to die? Was that it? The end of my life, the end of my story? Was this my final good-bye?

"Little one..."

The voices rang in my head, and I wanted to reach out my hand, but I could not. The darkness held me tighter, and I was trapped in my own body, in my own mind.

How stupid of me...

I tried to escape for my mates, of course I did. It wasn't my longing for death that called me, no, it was the love for my mates. I tried to leave the darkness and run into the light, so that I may wake up, that I may be reunited with my mates once again, but as soon as I tried to leave, the darkness swallowed me whole.

Even though I couldn't move, I somehow knew that they were here, that Gaia and Mallory were beside me. I didn't know why or how, perhaps it was the mate bond, but I just knew they were here for me. I wanted to wake up so badly, I wanted to jump in their eyes, I wanted to kiss them again. Fuck, I longed to be with them, but the more I tried to run, to move, the more I was sucked into the void. It was like I had no escape.. that this would forever be my fate, and the thought of that killed me.

Being stuck in this gray area of not knowing whether you're alive or not.. of being forever frozen and unconscious, it was more terrifying than death itself. I didn't want to stay in the darkness anymore, I didn't want this to be my fate, I wanted to leave, I wanted to be free, but no matter how hard I tried, I just could not move!

The darkness lost its comfort, and I realized it was only trying to lure me into this pathetic state.. and I was dumb enough to follow it. Had I not given up so easily.. so willingly.. but what was I supposed to do when the pain was too much for me to endure? It was all over my body, unrelenting, sadistic, and wicked, it hurt me over and over and over, and it did not stop. When I saw the darkness, I thought of it as my way out and it was, but I didn't realize the consequence that would follow.

I couldn't even remember what happened.. and why I came to this situation.. why I'm surrounded with nothing but the void, and why I felt so incredibly lonely. What could have happened? What made me suffer so much that I began to long for death itself? I could only remember the pain, and how much it hurt, how much my heart broke.. but even I did not think this was enough reason for me to seek death. There has to be something more.. perhaps someone has tried to kill me..