𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬

Chapter 43

No one said a word, and the only sound I could focus on was the pounding of my own heart. I thought I wouldn't tell them, I thought I didn't have the means to tell them, but perhaps I was only making up excuses. All this time, I could've just taken a pen and paper and wrote whatever was on my mind. I could've just done that, and this wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have made my own mates cry. Then again, I never truly had the right mind for this, I didn't even know what I wrote. All I knew was that I let my hands take the lead, and they wrote whatever they wanted. I just hoped it was enough to make my mates understand me, even when I couldn't quite understand myself.

Gaia's brows were furrowed as she read the notebook, and beside her, Mallory was frowning whilst her eyes roamed the page. I wondered if my handwriting was too ugly for them? I had always used cursive to write, it was the norm for royals, and as Nana always said, cursive looked pretty and formal. What was I even thinking of? Who cared about handwriting? I never cared about that.. not until today, I suppose.

Was it possible for them to reject me just because of my handwriting? That's not possible, right? Who would fight over simple handwriting? Surely we would not, we're better than that.. well, actually, they were better than that, not me.

I looked around me and saw the shining phone that Weiss had left for me on the nightstand. Perhaps I should call my sister? She can hold my hand while Mallory and Gaia yell at me.. wait, I can't! She's with her mate right now, right. She and Sapphire had to talk things out. Although, I'm pretty sure they're not talking at all.

I.. envied them, a lot. They've been with each other for many years now, they've been through a lot, and have even tried for a baby before. I wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but Sapphire truly has melted my sister's icy cold heart. I did not even think it was the mate bond either, sure it played its part, but I felt that it was Sapphire's own determination that made my sister fall in love with her. Now.. they're so comfortable and faithful with each other, to the point that nothing was strong enough to truly separate them.

Meanwhile I.. what have my mates and I done? I wasn't exactly sure.. did we really do anything together? Sure, we went through all of these adventures to find Stefan and Madrona, but what else? We've not even uttered the word love to each other.. and now, I.. I separated myself from them. I created a gap between myself and the two of them, and I was terrified that our mate bond wouldn't be enough to salvage our relationship.

They hate you...

Of course they did. I hated myself too. I understood what they felt. You didn't have to tell me. Of course they hated me, it made sense that they did. After everything I did to them, or perhaps after doing absolutely nothing for them, I'm sure they hated me more than their enemies. They hated me, and there was nothing I could do about it besides letting out what I felt. Pathetic, right? I was so fucking pathetic, but right now, it was the only thing I could actually do.

Using my body to win their favor was out of the question, for I was tainted.. and they would find out when their hands roam me. Even I felt disgusted at the thought of my mates' pure hands all over my impure body. They deserved more than this, perhaps I should tell them? No! They'll get even angrier at me.. I can't.

"Little one? Little one?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up to see both of my mates staring at me. I squinted my eyes at them, but I could not read their gazes at all. Silver orbs and emeralds and then what? What were they feeling? What were they thinking? Why couldn't my mind read them anymore? Have I truly separated myself from them?

"Come here." Gaia mumbled, her hands gesturing for me to come closer. There were dried tear stains on her cheeks, and I felt my heart hurt from seeing those.