When the Ice Breaks

XLIII

Stella

Run, skate, shoot, block, defend. Run, skate, shoot, defend, block. Run, skate, shoot, block, defend. Run, skate, shoot, defend, block.

These words ran through my mind every time I stepped on that ice. The ice was where I let everything out. Every emotion I put on the ice. I have loved hockey since I was three years old. From the moment I stumbled onto the Ice and held a hockey stick for the first time I was in love. But then came along a girl and she crashed everything. Instead of only loving hockey I now loved her more than anything. But life was hard and I had choices to make, choices that would probably ruin my life forever. 

"Ma'am would you like a blanket?" the flight attendant asked pulling me from my thoughts. I nodded as she smiled and handed me one. I was on my way to my future, leaving everything bad behind...

Two weeks ago

I held my mom as she sobbed into my arms for the fourth time this week. Scott and Sean sat in the room making sure their suits were nice and presentable. The twins sat next to them with their heads low. It had been a week since the officers came and told us my father had been killed after his submarine was sunk. That entire week I moved like a robot. People came by and fed us. Casey came by and tried to cheer me up. Stella same and just sat with me but I said nothing. I hadn't spoken much. My brain wouldn't shut off for one second to let me enjoy the quiet.

I didn't understand why this was happening and I don't think I ever would. The priest came in letting us know it was time. My brothers grabbed my mother as we walked out. Everyone's eyes were on us. We sat in the front and the ceremony began.

I barely paid attention as I started at the casket. What a fucking joke. It was empty. They could find a body yet we had to have a caskey for a ghost. Someone who didn't exist anymore.

My mom got up and spoke and so did Sean but I declined to do so. It was hard. I hadn't spoken in a week and I could now. The ceremony ended and we made our way home. My mom opted to have the repass at the house and one by one people began arriving.

So many of my classmates came and gave their condolences. My brain was on autopilot with responses: "Thank you I appreciate it, I'm okay, and I let her know." I was so tired. I hadn't slept all week. Between my mom crying and the boys sleeping in my room I just couldn't.

I felt a hand on my neck and turned to see Isabel. We haven't talked in so long. I loved talking to her. "Hey," she said softly to me. "Hey," I replied. She sat next to me holding my hand for what seemed like hours. Her touch was warm and made me think of warm naps and sleep. 

Soon people began leaving and then the house was empty. It was always empty when he was away but it felt hollow now, like it was missing. I put my mom to bed and the boys were in their rooms. I cleaned downstairs as the warm hand was back. "I'll do it," she said softly. I shrugged her off and kept working. I heard her sigh and take a step back. I had been like this all week just not wanting anything.

"Hey... take a break," she said softly. I didn't answer. I kept working before I felt her hand on my elbow I jerked it away. She gasped and when I turned she took a step back. "Go," I said so low I didn't even hear myself. She stood in her place until I got close to her and said louder, "Go." she didn't budge and I groaned. "I said fucking GO!" I cried. She sighed, "No, I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me," she said. I rolled my eyes and pushed past her as she followed me.

"Then I'll go. So you can be out of my fucking face," I said. She scoffed, "Oh yeah? And where are you gonna go Stella? There's nowhere to run," she replied. I sighed, "anywhere would be better than here with you."

Silence. The one thing I wanted, but now I didn't.

Her eyes welled with tears, "You don't mean that. You're hurting, I get it. Call me tomorrow," she said grabbing her purse. 

I could do this. It was too much. I had to..my family...Isabel..hockey.

"I meant it. It would be better without you and your nagging. My dad died Isabel, he didn't run off with another woman like yours," I said.

Her hand flew across my face and left a red streak on my jaw. Tears fell freely, "So it's like that, you're gonna say hurtful things to push me away? Fine," she cried.

And with that, she walked out the door. And that was the last time I saw Isabel Brown...

Isabel

I heard incessant knocking at my door as I groaned trying to drain it out. I groaned as I lay in bed trying to ignore it. It had been two weeks since I heard from her. Not a call, not a text nothing. No one seemed to know where she went or what happened and it killed me.

I knew she was hurting, I could see it. She was cracking. Between her father's death and the PWHL breathing down her neck, it was only a matter of time. I knew she didn't mean what she said. That's what I told myself in the beginning anyway.

A knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts. I hoped if I didn't respond they would go away, but no the person opened my door. I was expecting it to be my mom or Chloe, not Casey.

She stood in front of my bed with a somber look on her face. I sat up. We hadn't seen each other since the funeral. She looked drained. She wouldn't meet my eyes and I knew, I knew what that meant.

"She left didn't she?" I said. Casey looked down and nodded. I sighed feeling a lump in my throat. So that was it? That's how our story ends. No goodbye. Nothing. Just a stupid fucking and she was gone.

"I didn't know until a couple of days ago. This arrived at my house, it's for you," she said handing me an envelope. I took it from her hands and looked over it. From the small but elegant handwriting written on the envelope, I knew it was Stella.

"I'm sorry, Isabel," she said softly. I didn't say anything as she walked out. I waited until the door closed and ripped open the envelope. A letter fell out and my eyes began reading.

Isabel,

I want to start this by saying I'm sorry. I was such an asshole before I met you. I mean I didn't care about anything except for hockey and my family. you changed that. you made me see life in a different way than before. I'll be honest from the moment we kissed I loved you. if I think back I've probably liked you even longer than that. I don't know what it is about you that makes me drawn in and so in love. and that's why I have to let you go. you're too good for me and right now I'm back to that same asshole who used to train with you. and what I've learned from loving you I that you deserve the best. you deserve someone who's gonna stick around and I can't. I don't have a good excuse for leaving other than I have to. I have to provide for those who are counting on me. I never wanted it to be like this. we were gonna go to college. you were gonna win gold at the Olympics. I was gonna get drafted. we were gonna move to Texas and get married. I want you to meet someone who's gonna stay around. I'm not strong like you Iz, and probably never will be, but I wanna ask one thing before you burn this letter. don't waste a tear on me, you're too much of a badass to cry over me anyway. Well, if you haven't burned this letter I have a few things left to say. This envelope contains a hard drive. on the hard drive is an account with $1,000,000 in it. Go to the Olympics Iz. go be that badass I know you are. maybe one day will meet again and you can pay me back. I'll always love you iz. always 

Stella

Tears fell from my face freely now. She was gone. She left me. She left me a million dollars. I folded the letter and placed it in a book. And that was the last time I heard from Stella Bowers...

AN: Well this is it, my friends. Honestly, I'm filled with joy as WTIB is my first story. The tremendous amount of support from every one of you was so helpful in completing this gorgeous story. It's hard to believe this is over. Or is it? ITS NOT!!!!!! I'm so happy to introduce After It Thaws the second part of this story. I'm truly so excited for this new time. Moving forward I will be a little more practical with posting and not going on long ass breaks anymore. Again I love all of you to the moon and back!