shivian: a forbidden love 🖤🫶🏻

chapter 2: who is she

TW: ABUSE and rape

Siobhans pov:

I head back home after working at the knight nursery all day. There's something about that parent that's really starting to bug me. I almost feel like I'm jealous of her??

Well, I'm jealous of almost everyone. Most people at the nursery are in happy relationships. Autumn is married to winter, and they are happy as can be.

How can someone who was brought up by Roger have the most perfect love life. Reece is the exact same. He's happy with marjorie. This is the love that I am longing for.

I pull out of the car park and head back home to Roger. He's going to kill me for being late and not calling him back, too. I'm really hoping someone notices what's going on soon. I can't keep living like this with him.

Growing up, my mum always taught me that a woman should be with a man and nothing else. I never really got the chance to experience any other feelings because I was always scared of what my mum would do.

She also told me that if a man is with a woman, she belongs to him and he can do whatever he wants and she just has to accept it. This is why I feel like I can't leave Roger even if I wanted to. He owns me, and it sucks but it's just how my life is at the moment. There's nothing I can do about it.

I finally arrive back at his house and mentally prepare myself for whatever he's about to do to me.

I walk into the living room and see Roger sat on the sofa making out with another woman. Apart of me is really happy that he's done this because it gives me a reason to leave buy another part of me is saying that my life is going to be ruined forever because he still has everything I own.

He quickly kicks her out of the house, leaving me alone with him and his rage.

He starts screaming in my face.

"You have to ruin every fucking thing don't you? You can't just drop dead and vanish of the face of the earth forever can you? Just remember shibby, i own you for life. This means nothing what you saw means nothing I still own your arse. You however don't own me so I am free to do whatever I want."

I really can't wait for the day where I can finally get away from Roger. It doesn't matter how far that day is, I still can't wait.

If Roger didn't call me shibby, I would probably be okay with it, alot of people at the sister nursery and the Knight nursery call me shibby but it makes me so mad because Roger came up with that name and when I'm at work, it's the only time I'm away from him so I don't like people calling me that name because it always reminds me of him.

After he I'd done screaming at me, he starts beating me. Then he rips off all my clothes and uses me.

When he is finished, he leaves me laid on the floor with nothing but my thoughts. He heads back upstairs and goes to bed. I take this as an opertunity to have some alone time and just sleep on the sofa.

I can't stop thinking about that parent. Who is she? And why am I thinking about her so much it's not like I've ever met her before.

I know that I am going to be working at the knight nursery again tommorow so I am really hoping that I will see her just under a different circumstance.

I feel like we could be friends. I don't have many but there's something about her that is really calling out to me.

She's not like anyone else that I have met in my life.

I go into the tumble dryer and find my self some dry pj's that I can throw on. I find a vest top and shorts. This can work for now.

I head into the downstairs bathroom and get a quick shower trying to be as quiet as I can so that I don't accidentally wake up Roger. God that's the last thing I need.

Once I am out of the shower, I examine my body in the full length mirror, I see all of the bruises that he has given me and the fresh cuts that lay on my skin.

I know I shouldn't self harm but I feel like I need to because I can't deal with the pain that Roger puts me through on a daily basis.

This makes me feel like something. Roger knows that I do it but of course he doesn't care.

I can't help but wonder would vivian care?? I really do hope that I end up bumping Into her at work tommorow it won't be the end of the world if I don't though.

Once I Finnish looking at my body that I am so ashamed of, I get myself into the pj's that I had gotten picked out for my self.

I get the blanket from behind the sofa that I have hiden incase a situation like this does ever happen which is alot more often that I like to admit.

I get my self snuggled in and put the TV on quietly. I decide that I'm going to watch killing eve.

I know that I appear to many people as the most homophobic person that they have ever met but the truth is, I'm really not.

There's alot that people don't know about me. The only reason I ever act like that is because it's how I was raised.

I was brought up to think that being gay was wrong and forbidden but there's something inside of me that's  calling out.

A few hours later:

I find myself still awake watching killing eve. I should probably get some sleep because I have work in the morning and I am stick in the office all day with marjorie again.

But I can't help but think about that parent. She's been on my mind for hours but why??

I guess I'll find out eventually?