GRAMMYs | (MYG)

Chapter 28

"And how did that make you feel?"

"I don't know. On the one hand, we didn't talk anymore so it's kind of like he didn't exist anyway, but on the other hand I miss him. He was still my father. Regardless of how he might've treated me when I became an adult, I still have some fond childhood memories with him."

"Yes. It's good that you acknowledged that. Sometimes the more you suppress those feelings, the more they hurt you. If he was still alive, do you think you could perhaps forgive him?"

"I'm not sure... It wasn't just disowning me and then asking for money when I made it. The way he treated my mom as I grew up, made me wary of men. He's still one of the main reasons why I can't trust men fully. He cheated on my mom multiple times and made her life miserable, and she was financially dependent on him, so she never left. I guess looking at them made me scared of ever ending up in the same situation. What if my partner cheats and I have no way to leave the relationship? I think that is the reason why my relationships don't last a lifetime. As soon as I get attached, I get scared at the possibility of them betraying me, and I break up before they have a chance to do it. I self-sabotage a lot, because I would rather be single than to be trapped with a man like my father."

"Do you think that is also the reason why you broke up with Yoongi?"

"Possibly, yeah. I mean, he was nice to me, and I know that he would never do anything like that, but I felt like the long-distance thing could eventually push him to do it. But I don't think that's the only reason why I broke up. I loved him, and it broke my heart when he couldn't be there. When he didn't even make any small efforts to be there for me, like shooting a quick text. When I had my miscarriage, I needed his support all of the way. When he finally called, the worst was out of the way already. I felt lonely. I felt like there was no point on keep going, when we barely even saw and talked to each other."

"You mentioned he was there when you played your biggest show ever. Doesn't that seem like him making an effort?"

"It is, it's just that he was not consistent. Yeah, he was there for the happiest moment of my career, but then he couldn't even check his phone while I was going through one of the most painful experiences of my life. He was too fickle in that aspect."

"And how would you feel about dating again?"

"If it were to happen, I wouldn't stop it, but I won't force it either. I don't hate being single. This past year of being single has allowed me to be more in tune with my emotions and with myself. I feel lighter. I've finally done therapy and worked on things I was avoiding for years; I feel like a brand-new person. I feel like I'm no longer holding on to my past traumas!"

"Is that why you decided to move back to Spain?"

"No. After going there to my father's funeral, and seeing that he left me the house, I feel like taking care of the house is a way to pay homage to my parents. It will also be nice to be home, after so many years here. It isn't necessarily related to healing; I'm not trying to isolate myself and run away from my feelings. I just wanna spend some time there, reminiscing my childhood and letting my parents know, wherever they are, that I forgive them."

"Well, I guess this is it. You've done some amazing progress since you first came through that door, and I'm proud of you. I think you no longer need me, but just in case, you have my number if you ever do. Best of luck Kat!"

That was her final therapy session. Kat had been doing this for a little over a year, and she felt like she no longer needed it. The work had been done, and all of her issues were addressed. She was ready for a new adventure. And it would come soon. Her birthday was in just a couple of days, and the day after her birthday she had a one-way-flight booked to Spain.

During the past year, her dad had passed away from drinking, and although it hurt, therapy helped her grief without falling into the same habits she did when her mom died. She got over the pain in a healthy manner. She was able to go to the funeral, reconnect with her relatives, explore her hometown again. It was nothing like LA, and maybe that's why she enjoyed it so much. When she visited, she decided she would take care of the house, instead of just selling it. It was her childhood home after all, and it held too many precious memories. As a bonus, the house had quite a nice garden, and a huge property around it with various fruit trees, flowers and it even had a chicken coop.

Part of her stuff was already sent there, and thankfully she had some relatives help her set everything up. Most of her studio gear was given to her bandmates, just took just the essential: one audio interface, her studio monitors, midi keyboards, the midi controller Yoongi gifted her, her guitars, a bass and her computer. Her analog synth collection, amp collection and outboard gear were all given to the Crazy Saints members.

To say she was excited was an understatement. Since they wouldn't be touring for a while, she could just work from home. Produce, write and record for other people, as well as for her bands and a solo project she had in mind. She had always dreamed of doing an indie-rock album, and now was the time.

The members had already invited themselves over. The house was big enough for all of them, so whenever they wanted to go on a vacation, or started to miss Kat, they would show up. Besides, since they couldn't possibly be there all of the time, they promised to call every day.

This past year felt strange to Kat. She started therapy, her father passed away, she reconnected with some old friends and family, everything as changing. The only things that stayed the same were her friends. They kept on being very supportive of her and were there every step of the way during her healing journey. Even the friendship with BTS stayed the same. She talked occasionally with them, although she didn't talk nearly as much with Yoongi. She and Yoongi were actually just friends now, therapy had allowed her to finally get over their relationship, but they weren't as close as her and Jimin or Hobi for example.

Speaking of BTS, they were coming to the U.S. in a couple of days, and Crazy Saints had stuff together planned already. She was excited to hang out with them again. Although in the past her relationship with one of them failed, they stayed friends throughout regardless, and now that her and Yoongi were just friends again, it was the perfect time to hang out. whether or not Yoongi would want to show up was a different conversation. He told her he had a lot to do during his stay and would probably be too tired to join them. She felt a little sad, but at least the rest of the members could still hang out!