IT ALMOST WORKED ! the walking dead ! season 2 episode 13 !
" to remind her i am both yet still she tears at my sweater "
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
HE WASN'T SURE what the stages of grief were, he wasn't sure he'd ever care enough to learn them. what he felt didn't feel like grief, he didn't feel sad, he wasn't angry, he just felt, tired. his limbs burned, his head hurt and he wanted nothing more then to curl back up in natalia's lap, close his eyes and sleep the days away. he had always hated his father, since he was young, the constant abuse he was put through, and still his heart felt empty. it seemed no matter how much his head told him he hated his father, he still missed the man. perhaps it was because of blood or their last names, he felt like those were the only two things that truly did hold a meaning. lee was never close with shane, never talked of his interests with him, how school was, what sports he was interested in, it was always quiet between the two. lee had tried on plenty of occasions to make his father care, but he never could get shane to pay him any mind. he always seemed annoyed with the boy, angered he was even in his presence. for what reason, lee would never know.
though there were very few moments shane did care, the few times he had, it was always when lee had gotten into a fight, a phone call from the school and shane suddenly cared. though it was never in a caring way, no, rather in a sense that he'd only give the boy the attention he craved when he'd done something to protect himself. that was the main reason lee was in so many fights in school, weather it be to defend himself or natalia, the handful of times they were petty fights for no apparent reason, shane gave the attention lee so desperately needed, and it felt nice. it had become a sort of drug, one that lee chased and chased. shane would pick the boy from school, the two would go out to eat, and it felt like a normal relationship, like lee meant something to his father. he hated that he had to act out in order to receive the love that he'd craved since he was in primary school.
he'd been labeled as the guy you don't wanna be around, someone who would turn on you in a blink of an eye. one wrong word, something disrespectful in most cases, and lee would swing. he didn't care that people didn't like him, he didn't need them to. he just needed his father to like him, even if it was for a meer hour. a single hour of feeling like he wasn't a disappointment to his father gave him a dopamine rush, a happiness that seemed to be a second to his first, and he craved it.
he always wondered if he'd of just done something different growing up, maybe just maybe, would shane of treated him like his son, rather then a punching bag. he could vividly remember doing everything in his power to make his father proud. weather it be getting good grades, or joining sports that his father enjoyed watching. he wasn't sure what he'd done, why shane looked at him as a disappointment rather then his child. yet he didn't feel angry, nor did he feel sad, he just felt numb. he felt numb because he knew he'd never be given the chance to live up to his fathers expectations, yet deep down he knew he never would've. he knew no matter what he would've done, no matter what he could've accomplished, shane would've never been happy enough with lee. that hurt more then anything else. it was a tough pill to swallow.
