IT ALMOST WORKED ! the walking dead ! season 5 episode 9 !
" all i wanted was you "
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SHE DIDNT HAVE ANY tears left the cry, her tear ducts completely empty, dried up and ridden of any tears. her throat was raw, her eyes a light red shade, and her cheeks puffy. she felt guilty, she wasn't sure if she should've felt guilty or not; but she did. she hated that she'd promised beth that she'd make sure she seen maggie again, and she couldn't even accomplish that.
she could barley bring herself to look at maggie, each time she did she felt sick to her stomach. she felt her chest burn each time she caught sight of maggie's red eyes. her scream had shattered natalia's soul, it rung deep within her mind when she thought to hard.
she was supposed to get them both out, she knew she could've. she should've acted faster, taken an officers gun and shot the hospital up to get them out alive. she should've done something, perhaps if she had then beth would still be alive. natalia believed it all to be unfair, why did she deserve to stay alive, see her family again while beth didn't. the girl hadn't even gotten a proper burial, they'd left her body on an old pallet and covered her limp body with a tarp.
natalia could barley sleep anymore. each time she shut her eyes she could only see beth falling onto the ground, feel the girls blood splatter onto her face. it was all to much. dark bags had accumulated beneath her eyes, purple and puffy, revealing all to well that she hadn't been sleeping. she didn't know if she could, not wanting to deal with the nightmares that plagued her mind each time she drifted off.
rather she stayed awake, her body dealing with fatigue, her limbs heavy as she leaned against the side of the truck. her back flush against the cool metal, and dirt coating the back of her cargo pants. judith laid soundly in the girls arms, cradled safely as she slept. carls head rested on natalia's lap, his hat resting beside his sleeping form. natalia's free hand gently played with the boys hair, not wanting to let her siblings out of her sight.
her eyes scanned the group, different faces sticking out to her. yet she hadn't taken any time to introduce herself to them, not bothering to make new friends. the small fire danced in the middle of the group, their sleeping figures laying around the fire.
rick slowly stood from where he sat, a low huff leaving his lips as he made his way to his children. he plopped down beside natalia, scanning the girls face. she didn't move, her eyes still solely focused on the fire. rick let out a slow sigh, drawing one of his knees up, "how're you holding up?" he questioned softly, voice low in order to not wake the others. reluctantly natalia glanced to her father before back to the her siblings. she wasn't sure how to answer that question.
admit that she didn't think she deserved to be alive when she failed to keep someone safe, again. admit that if she could she would've switched places with beth in a heart beat. she wasn't sure how to respond to his question, so she only shrugged in response. her teeth chewing on the inside of her cheek.
