Illicit Love

Kabanata 30

Tahimik akong naglalakad habang sinusubukang hanapin silang apat. Oo, apat dahil sumali si Solanna. Wala kang ibang maririnig sa paligid kundi tanging ang bawat pagpatak ng mga butil ng ulan sa lupang may mumunting tubig na naipon na. Habang ang sinag na nagmumula sa papablubog na araw ay siyang nagsisilbi na lang na liwanag ng paligid.

May napansin akong tao sa isang banda kaya dahan-dahan akong naglakad papunta doon. Napangisi ako nang mapansing tatakbo na sana siya para lumipat sa kabilang puno, pero bigla siyang natigilan nang mabilis kong huliin ang magkabilang baywang niya at pinulupot ko ang mga braso ko sa kanyang tiyan para hindi siya makawala o makatakbo.

I drew a long, shaky breath before leaning in, my voice dropping to a gravelly whisper against her ear. "Got you..." I murmured, the roughness of my voice betraying my emotions. "Don't even think about trying to escape me, lady."

Neither of us moved. We just stayed like that, lost in the second. I was terrified she'd feel my heart hammering against my chest. I held my breath while I had her in my arms, scared that any movement on my part would cause her to pull away. silently pleaded for just a little more time—couldn't I stay this close to her, just for today? I only wanted to hold her tightly, if only for a fleeting moment.

"What do you think you're doing? Let go of me, Zariah," she commanded. Her tone was icy and devoid of emotion, but her coldness only fueled my desperation. I ignored her words, burying myself deeper into the embrace and tightening my arms around her.

"I don't want to let go, Solanna... Just let me hold you, even if only for a few moments," I whispered, my voice thick with exhaustion and longing. "Just for now. Just for a second, please...?"

I could feel the stinging heat behind my eyes as the tears began to well up. I didn't care anymore if she got angry with me. All that mattered was holding her in my arms. I had wanted to do this for so long, but I never had the courage. I knew it was wrong, but damn it—just this once. I missed her so much it hurt. I finally lost the battle against my tears, letting them fall freely. They were invisible anyway, masked by the relentless downpour of the rain. My throat ached from the sheer effort of trying to swallow back my sobs.

"I miss you, Solanna..." mahinang bulong ko. "I'm sorry for leaving you... without telling... I'm sorry." My voice broke.

She remained silent, her refusal to speak prompting me to tighten my grip around her waist as if I could hold onto the moment itself. Her stillness offered no comfort. Instead, it only served to crush my heart all over again. In that silence, I already found my answer. It hurt—a deep, agonizing ache—yet I couldn't bear the thought of the day ending without reaching her. If hope is truly gone, then I am powerless. All that matters is that I laid my soul bare. I told her I love her and that my feelings haven't wavered since the very beginning. Yet, a small, stubborn part of me still clings to a desperate wish... a hope that maybe it isn't too late to show her just how much I need her in my life.

"S-Sorry kung naduwag ako noon... Sorry kung wala akong ginawa para patunayan 'yong nararamdaman ko para sayo, pero totoo ang lahat ng sinabi ko noon, Solanna... Minahal kita... At sorry kung hanggang nagayon mahal pa rin kita..."

Bumigat lalo ang dibdib ko nang dahan-dahan niyang tinanggal ang pagkakayakap ko sa kanya. Dahil sa panghihina, wala na akong nagawa kundi ang bumitiw sa kanya. Bumagsak ang mga kamay ko hanggang sa hindi ko na maramdaman ang init ng katawan niya. Patuloy na bumuhos ang luha ko kasabay ng malakas na ulan habang pinapananood siyang maglakad palayo.

"S-Solanna, please... Hear me out first... I'm sorry," humihikbing sigaw ko nang hindi ko na mapigilan. Gusto ko siyang takbuhin at pigilan, pero wala na akong lakas. Mas lamang ang sakit at panghihinang nararamdaman ko.