Illicit Love

Kabanata 29

Watching her walk away felt like a physical blow to my chest. It's funny how seeing her leave is more painful than the time I was the one walking away. I have so much to say—so much to explain—but the words won't come. I'm lost on how to even start. And honestly? Looking at how fine she seems now, I wonder if she even cares. I can't help but ask myself... Who was I to her, anyway?

I remained rooted to the spot where she had left me. If I hadn't overheard her conversation with Mira, I wouldn't have been able to pull myself out of my daze. I found it difficult to even swallow, and I struggled to pull my eyes away from where Mira and Solanna were standing.

"Hello, little one, who are you?" tanong ni Solanna kay Mira.

"P-Po?"

Nanatili akong tahaimik na pinapanood sila. Gusto kong lumapit kung nasaan sila, pero para akong nakapako sa kinatatayuan ko dahil hindi ko magawang gumalaw.

"I mean... Anong pangalan mo?" sabi ni Solanna bago unti-unting sumilay ang matamis na ngiti sa labi niya.

My gaze remained anchored to her, my pulse echoing in my ears like a slow, steady drum. With every beat, my heart felt as though it were being squeezed by an invisible hand. She's happy—genuinely, radiantly happy. And the most painful part was seeing that her happiness didn't require my presence at all.

"Hello, din po, ate... Ako po si Mira. Kasama ka rin po ba ni doc?"

Napakurap ako nang marinig ang sinabi ni Mira. Dahan-dahang napalingon si Solanna sa banda ko. Hindi pa rin nawawala ang ngiti sa labi niya. Hindi ko siya magawang titigan pabalik kaya mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin.

"Ah... yeah. I am Dr. Solanna. Sino bang doctor ang tinutukoy mo, Mira?"

"Siya po." Tinuro ako ni Mira kaya natingin sakin si Solanna habang nakataas ang kilay niya. "Sabi niya po kasi doctor rin siya kaya sinama ko po siya dito sa bahay para ipatingin si Nanay!" inosenteng sabi ni Mira.

Ayaw ko man silang tignan, pero mabilis akong napalingon ulit sa banda nila. Shit! Wala naman akong sinabing doctor ako, ah? Hindi yata nagets ng bata ang sinabi ko kanina kaya akala niya isa rin ako sa mga doctor sa barangay hall. Kung doctor lang talaga ako, baka matagal ko ng nalaman kung paano gumamot ng pusong wasak at nasasaktan.

"Really?" tanong ni Solanna habang nakataas ang isa niyang kilay. "Can I see your Nanay, then? So I can check her, Mira."

"Po?"

Huminga ako ng malalim at nagpasya ng maglakad palapit kung nasaan silang dalawa. Mukhang kanina pa nahihirapan ang bata kaka-english nitong si Solanna.

"She can't understand english, Dr. Jimenez. She's just a kid," seryosong sabi ko sa kanya bago binalingan ng tingin si Mira saka siya nginitian ng matamis. "Mira, pasensiya na. Hindi kasi talaga ako doctor, pero itong kasama ko..." Turo ko kay Solanna. "Siya ang totoong doctor, Mira. Siya ang puwedeng makatulong sa nanay mo..."

Niligon ko si Solanna. Nakatingin lang siya sakin ng seryoso. "Right, Dr. Jimenez?" sabi ko.

I attempted to offer her a faint, tentative smile, even though I knew better than to expect any flicker of a reaction in return. She simply continued to hold my gaze, her eyes fixed on mine with a chilling intensity. Her eyebrow arched in a slow, deliberate gesture of scrutiny before she finally broke the silence. "Yes... of course, Engineer Bautista," she replied, her voice as steady as her stare.

"Tara na, iche-check na natin ang mommy mo, Mira. You trust me, right?" sabi ni Solanna habang nakalahad ang kamay niya sa harap ni Mira.

"Talaga po, doc? Tara po, doon po ang bahay namin. Andoon po ang nanay ko."