Illicit Love

Kabanata 40

A comfortable silence settled between us as we made our way toward Solanna's condo. She was leaning heavily against my shoulder, her arms wrapped around me in a gentle embrace. I could tell she had finally drifted off to sleep. I could feel the rhythmic, steady warmth of her breath against my bare skin, a soft tether that kept me grounded in the quiet of the night.

"Drank too much, got the sickness
Pray to God and his son for forgiveness
Same crew but another mistress
Every day, every night getting wasted
But I miss you. What did I do?
Fuck it up, laugh it off, and I lost you
If I pull through, is it too soon?
Turn it up, close my eyes, then I'm with you...

"How you been?", "How you doing?"
You been good, I been drinking
Way too much, you think that I'd be over you, over you, over you
(Eight calls, all you)
But I think about it every day, yeah
Yeah, I never missed her anyways
Yeah, I never missed her anyways..."

Kakabalik lang namin dito sa Pilipinas galing sa isang linggong bakasyon sa Thailand, habang si Beatrice ay naiwan pa. Sa susunod na araw pa kasi ang flight niya papunta ng America para doon muna manatili para sa pagbubuntis niya.

Madilim pa kaya tanging ang bawat street light na lang ang nadadaanan namin. Sobrang haba ng naging byahe namin, pero hindi ko man lang maramdaman dahil kasama ko si Solanna. As long as she's with me, I am okay.

"Every day, every night getting wasted. But I miss you. What did I do? Fuck it up, laugh it off, and I lost you. If I pull through, is it too soon? Turn it up, close my eyes, then I'm with you..." I hummed along to Keshi's '2 soon' as it echoed through the car. It's a melancholic track, yet I found myself completely captivated by its rhythm. There is a certain magnetic quality to the song that makes it impossible for me not to sway my head in time with the melody while I hum along.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Her voice was nothing more than a raspy, sleep-laden murmur as she stirred into consciousness. I couldn't help but stare—she had this incredible way of looking both vulnerable and incredibly sultry the moment she opened her eyes.

"Ikaw lang naman ang laman ng isip ko. Mayroon pa ba?" nakangising biro ko kaya nakatanggap ako ng hampas sa braso ko. Natawa na lang ako.

"You're really something," aniya bago dahan-dahang humiwalay sakin. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm just thinking about what's waiting for us once we return home," I murmured, my gaze drifting away.

Her hand found mine, and the gentle pressure of her grip made me look down. I gazed at our hands, locked together so naturally, as if they were made for each other. In my head, I was beaming; I wanted to freeze time right there, soaking in the feeling of her presence and the weight of her touch.

"Stop worrying so much about the 'what ifs', Zariah," she said with a tender smile. "We're engaged now, okay? Nothing can stand in our way or change that fact. I am your fiancée." To emphasise her point, she lifted her hand, proudly showing off the ring I had given her as it shimmered on her finger.

I didn't say a word. I simply pulled her into me, holding her so tightly it felt as if I were trying to shield her from the world. Even though I was happier than I'd ever been, a dark intuition had taken root in my chest. I had this sinking feeling that trouble was lying in wait for us, either back at the house or just around the corner. I couldn't shake the urge to just stay put—to keep her locked in my embrace where nothing could reach her.

"Why?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Solanna pagkababa namin ng sasakyan sa harap ng building ng condo unit ni Solanna.

Huminga ako ng malalim at hindi umimik. Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kung saan kaya unti-unting binalingan ito ng tingin ni Solanna. Tiim-bagang akong umiwas ng tingin saka sumandal sa pinto ng sasakyan nang makita kong naglakad siya palapit kung nasaan kami ni Solanna.