What If? Year 2

Chapter 53

Dad came into my room that night. I was already tucked in with my book in my lap when he knocks softly on my door.
"Can I come in, flower?" He pokes his head in with a small smile. I set my book aside and nod.
"Of course, Dad." He sits down on my bed and cocks his head.
"What's up?" I sit up more and press my face into his shoulder.
"It's so stupid," I whisper, "I wish I was normal... no anxiety... no danger... no..."
"I get it," he replies, "I wish we were too. The fact that since you are my daughter puts you at so much risk, I hate it. I wish I could take you anxieties away, but I don't know how... I don't even know what to do." I move closer to him, slinging my legs over his lap.
"I just wish I could do something without starting trouble." Dad chuckles and pulls me into his lap to set his chin on my head. I rest my ear against his chest and hear his steady heartbeat, a small comfort.
"Why don't you find a way to keep yourself... and your brother... out of trouble," he answers, his chest vibrating with each word, "and it would be even better if you would talk with your uncle." I sink into myself, pulling my knees to cover my eyes.
"He's pretty beat up about it," he continues, "wasn't even going to come to Christmas till your mum begged him and promised to talk to you... hear that went pretty poorly."
"I'd rather not talk about that... I..."
"You don't really believe that, Goldie... what you said?" I sigh and shake my head. He combs through my hair and I slowly lower my knees.
"I said it in anger... wasn't thinking.'
I seem to not think a lot now a days.
"Even things said in anger can have truth in them," he replies, "I also got another letter from your Head of House." I look at him in confusion.
"She's actually the one that told me about your fight with Remus. She said something about Harry too. I know you don't want to talk about the night you were attacked, but if he said something that's really stuck with you that much... I need to know." I stare up at him, sadness swimming in his eyes.
"More like it just kept coming up," I whisper, biting my lip as I speak, "once he pointed it out... I kept seeing it everywhere... in everyone."
"What was it?"
"It's stupid."
"If it has upset you this much... it's not stupid."
"He's apologized already," I continue, trying to get him off my back, "it really doesn't matter." He looks down at me, and shrugs.
"Alright, but when you decide to tell, I'm here." I nod and snuggle into him.
"Will you please speak with Uncle Remus?"
"Sure."
"Thank you." He lets me lay there for a while, stroking my hair and humming softly. He kisses my forehead before getting up. He tucks me back in and strokes my hair one last time.
"Good night, flower. I love you."
"Night, Dad. Love you too."

A heavy weight keeps my lungs from expanding completely. The face of someone slowly starts to focus in my sight, and once it does terror shoots through my body. The body of top of mine is strangely cold as ice and it wears my boyfriend's face. I kick him off, rushing to get out from under him.
"Cedric?" I whimper, taking his face in my hands, "Cedric!" His eyes snap open, his normal grey eyes eerily close to the whites of his eyes.
"All your fault," he shouts, "you couldn't just stay where you belonged." I scream and push away from him.
"No," I whisper, "no... no... no." I get up and run, but I hear his footsteps following me. Then I start to hear more footsteps following me.
"Stop running off," Mum's voice rings out, "Can't you understand anything?"
"Of course she can't... such a failure," Uncle Remus adds in. I keep running, hoping to get rid of them.
"What were we thinking moving her up to third year?" Dumbledore asks.
"Such a silly mistake," McGonagall replies, "no matter... we'll just put here where she belongs."
"In our year? Yeah right." Ara cuts in.
"She doesn't belong anywhere now." Harry's angry voice nearly knocks me down, but I keep going. Finally the footsteps die out and I see Dad in front of me. I throw my arms out for a hug, but he moves away from me.
"I can't believe you'd actually think I'd comfort such a disappointment. You really can't do anything right." I stare at him, tears stinging at my eyes. I gasp, the air nearly choking me as I fall onto my knees.
"No... this isn't real. This is my mind turned against me." I whisper, tears finally slipping down my face.
"This is very real," Regulus's voice whispers to me, "just because it happens in your head doesn't mean its not real." I look around, but he's no where to be found.
"This can't be real..."
"Quit crying," Mari snaps, "no amount of tears can save you from this." I scream in frustration as I pound my fist into the ground.
"All you're good for it for me to play with..." My attackers voice rings in my ears as I shoot up in my bed, screaming.

I slap my hand over my mouth as bile rolls up my throat. I rush to the bathroom, slamming the door far to loudly. I fall down in front of the toilet before expelling what little I had in my stomach out. Tears fall down and mix with the sick as I try to calm my stomach. I lean against the tub, praying that the noise outside the door was not who I thought it was.
"Flower? Are you alright?" I swallow thickly as I remember what he said in my dream. I try to answer, but the dryness of my throat stops me.
"Goldie? Can we come in?" Mum's concern sinks into my bones, as I flush the toilet and stand up. I grab a washcloth and quickly wipe my mouth down before throwing it into the sink to wash. I open the door a crack and see my parents in their pajamas and wands lit.
"Sorry... I didn't mean to wake you."
"That doesn't matter, flower. Are you alright? Nightmare?" I know they can see my face, so I do not bother with lying. I nod slowly, keeping to door between us.
"Do you want some tea?" Mum asks, setting her hand over my fingers gripping the door, "we can talk?" I stare at her, choking down tears.
"S-sure..." I whisper, "Just... one second."