What If? Year 2

Chapter 54

I quickly clean the gross washcloth that I had just wiped my mouth with. I hang it over the tub to dry after washing it with soap multiple times.  After that I open the door and Dad is still there, sitting on the stairs.
"Were you sick?" I stop in my tracks, nearly getting to my room without him noticing.
"What?"
"Did you get sick? I know the look, Golds." I swallow as he moves to me. I continue into my room and grab my deer.
"What's the look?" He sighs and leans against my doorframe.
"Wide eyes, pale with rosy cheeks, and shaky. Also, the washcloth hung over the bathtub with a crap ton of soap in the sink. I am an Auror, after all." I stare him down before pulling the quilt off my bed and flinging it over my shoulders.
"We can talk about it downstairs."
"Does it have something to do with what we talked about before you went to bed? Did I set it off somehow?"
"I doesn't matter, Dad. I'll tell you downstairs." He gives me a look, but helps me down the stairs with the light from his wand. Mum is down there, with three mugs of tea waiting by the couch. She offers me sugar, which I usually take, but I shake my head as I sit down in the corner of the couch. Mum sits down as well and reaches her hand to me.
"Alright?" I nod as I cover myself in my quilt and cuddle in with my deer.
"What happened?"
"It... it requires some extra information. But you both have to promise me that no one will get in more trouble than they already have for this." They look at each other with concerned looks, but Mum is the first to respond.
"Okay," she whispers, "...is it something that bad?" I look at Dad, determined to get him to respond to me.
"Fine," he whispers, "I just want to help you, Goldie." I swallow and squeeze my deer closer to my chest.
"When we were arguing, Harry told me how everyone really feels about me being in his year." Mum scooches closer to me, setting her hand out for me if I needed it.
"He pointed out how all the teachers treat me differently, that they all think I'm too young. That no one likes that I'm a third year now, and that I should have stayed where I belonged." Dad stares at me, trying to reign in his anger, while Mum is looking at the floor.
"And then Uncle Remus just hammered the point home by agreeing with him. Then I just couldn't stop seeing that everywhere." Tears start to collect around the bottoms of my eyes.
"I couldn't do anything without feeling like a burden to those around me, so I thought about... trying to go back to where I belong. But that would make me failure and disappointment." Dad grabs my blanket to squeeze.
"My mind has been filtering between those two versions of me for the last two weeks. I'm either a burden... or a failure. And I can't get out of the bloody cycle." Mum takes one of my hands.
"That's why you got so upset," she says, more to herself than to me, "Goldie, you must know that neither of those things are true of you." I sniffle a little and shove my face into my deer.
"Yeah, flower," Dad continues her thoughts, "we will be support you no matter what. And you will never be a burden to us." Mum pulls me into her lap and Dad sits on the other side of me.
"Part of me knows this..." I whimper , "but the other part of me keeps bringing me to this as the answer to things that keep happening. I don't know what else to do." Dad puts his arms around us as he combs through my hair.
"I wish I could take these words from you," Mum whispers, "but I don't know how to help you. I'm sorry. Please just talk to me... to us when you start thinking this." I feel Dad nod as a few tears slip from my eyes.
"Am I going crazy? I start pulling at a string and I spiral out of control. I don't want to believe this, but I don't know how else to think."
"You're not going crazy, Goldie," Dad answers, "you need to be able to identify these lies. If you need someone to help you distinguish them, come to me or your mother."
"But at school... who? I can't be a burden... I don't want to be.."
"You are not a burden, Goldie," Mom states, firmly, "no one thinks you're a burden."
"Talk with Cedric," Dad cuts in, "he cares for you very deeply... Ara, Ginny, Hermione? All of them love you. As for professors... Remus loves you Goldie, even if you're not supper happy with him right now. McGonagall loves you like a granddaughter, incase you haven't noticed."
"McGonagall knows," I whisper, "she could tell that I was upset one day and I needed to tell someone."
"Talk to her then, Golds."
"She's so busy though... she already is going to teach me a Patronus when we get back and has her regular classes."
"She doesn't think you're a burden... she wouldn't have checked on you if she did, and she wouldn't be teaching you extra stuff," Dad convinces me. I nod.
"There, look at that," Mum says, "maybe talking will help?"
"Might as well try it." I cuddle closer to Mum and she let me.
"What time is it?"
"Five thirty," Dad quickly replies.
"Aren't we going shopping today?"
"Yeah."
"When are we leaving?"
"Whenever everyone is up... go back to sleep, if you'd like."
"I..."
"I'll start on breakfast, Lilyflower," Dad says, getting up, "Evie will be up soon and hungry. You and Goldie go get some more sleep."
"James... you've been out on mission for months, go back to bed."
"I could stay up and make breakfast, and both of you could go back to bed." I lift my head and look at both of them.
"No... you definitely need more sleep. You look like I could blow you over." I give Dad a look for his snarky comment.
"Can't Evie make her own breakfast then?" Mum chuckles and squeezes me again.
"She nearly burnt the house down last time I tried that."
"Put out some cereal... she can't possible mess that up."
"You definitely need more sleep. You're cranky." This time Mum gets a look.
"Come on, I'll carry you up like I used to when you were a baby." She gets up and carries me all the way up the stairs to my bed.
"Stay? Even just for a little?"
"Of course, baby."